Reenacting

Throughout history people have fought wars and battles and the like. Honest! They have! Problem is that some of these battles are so badass that some people are PRETTY pissed that they missed out on them first time round. So what to do...? DRES

This is how big the Confederate Army actually was in Gettysburg! Really!

This guy is a really clever con-artist as the troops he's supporting were fighting at Waterloo.

Just The Facts

  1. When you're 12 reenactment is cool.
  2. When you're 32 reenactment helps your shrink to understand what is wrong with you.
  3. People like being the badies in reenactments. There are more Nazi reenactors then Allied! CRAZY!

"What are you doing this weekend?"

Let me set the scene:

5 o'clocked on a Friday you're finishing work it's been a long week and you're looking forward to kicking back with a beer to watch some TV. As you get into the lift Harry the guy from Accounting whp you don't really know jumps in as well looking excited with a big bag in hand. The conversation that would follow would probably go as follows;

"Hey"

"Hey Harry. How are you doin?"

"Yeah good thanks man. How about you? Got any plans for the weekend?"

"Yeah not bad. No major plans really just chilling. How about you?"

"Oh me and my reenactment group are reenacting the Battle of Gettysburg!"

This is your face. No difference from this guy. Unless you have a tache.

Textbook response to this piece of news.

By the time Monday comes around there is no one in the office that doesn't know what Harry does in his spare time which leads to much mocking and piss taking. Harry becomes depressed and does one of two things.

  1. Tries to kill you.
  2. Tries to kill himself.

I hope you're feeling bad now. The thing is that co-workers don't want to know that at the weekend you dress up and run around pretending to shoot people.

Unless you're paintballing.

In the same way they don't want to know how you feel about your mother or if you dress up as a baby and suck a dummie on the weekend!

THIS IS TO ALL REENACTORS! DON'T TELL ANYONE UNLESS THEY

KNOW THE SECRET HANDSHAKE!

You'll thank me some day.

So you've managed to keep the knowledge out of the public domain. But what is the problem with it?!

First of CONGRATULATIONS you're only problem now is that you are a member of a reenactment society!

The people in reenactment groups are a special breed.They've said NO to Call Of Duty, because it isn't really enough for them. They think that paintballing is for wimps as they wear masks and that the uniforms they were are totally 200 years in the future!

WIMPS.

The problem with being a reenactor is one main thing though that even in the entirely fictional world of "playing soldier" you're still a "soldier" and therefore have to listen to other people who are playing more important soldiers then you!

HOW CRAP IS THAT?!

You spend all your time and money getting ready to be the best but if someone buys a uniform of a higher rank then you then you have to listen to them! It's like Samuel L Jackson being told that yes he is the best actor but LL Cool J has purchased a much better looking costume so he is lead in the film.

"What you don't see in my other hand is my GODDAMN LIGHTSABRE!" - Last thing LL Cool J ever heard.

Reenactors Inequality.

So I know what you're thinking now. You are saying something like this:

"So they are now a member of a loving and caring community of people who all share a love for reenacting and the like! How nice for them!"

WRONG!

Now they are put into a group of hierarchy. There are three different groups within the reenacting society depending on how hardcore you are with your dressing up!

And just when you thought it was getting kinda normal! And you thought that it was just Joe and his werid mate who were dressing up!

"Joe HOW cool are we! Look! I'm Ab Lincoln! ME!"

No within this most secret soc.... WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? They are about as secret as the exsistence of the CIA!

Depending on how hardcore you want to be there is a hierarchy into which you can fit.

Farbs

These guys dress up for fun and a bit of a giggle. All other reenactors hate them. They buy what they feel like and they smoke a fag if they want too, also they may be fat.

Yep. That's right.

You have one too many pork pies at lunch and you're a crap reenactor!

HARSH.

"OI! Fatty! You're CRAP!"

Mainstream

Like music if you're mainstream then only the diehards hate you. These are usually the ones that you see being blown up in the films as it's cheaper to get them to bring their own stuff. They try to do their best but the hardcore people point out they are eating food that is out of season or they have too many stiches.

WAIT A MINUTE! They count you're stiches?!

Yes. The nutters do.

"Hey you have too many stiches on your left leg!"

Progressives

They hate anyone else. Fact. They count stiches and try to emerse themselves in the entire way of life.

At this point I'd like to point out that our ancestors didn't seem to like the way were living as they invented new stuff. Like you know cars!

These people are the ones that you don't argue with. EVER. Otherwise next time that musket may have a bullet in it.

"That's the last time he calls me a ladyboy!"

Ladies and Gents I leave you with this piece of sound advice. DON'T BECOME A REENACTOR. TRUST ME!