The Lost Boys

"Sleep all day, party all night. Never grow old, and never die. It's fun to be a vampire." Truer words were never growled out of Jack Bauer's teenage vampire mouth.

Just The Facts

  1. "The Lost Boys" is the father of modern vampire movies, post-1987.
  2. Don't bother with the recent disappointing sequel, "The Lost Boys: The Gay Pride Parade".
  3. The original TLB is the only known antidote for the nausea brought on by watching current "vampire" movies.

The Film (No Spoilers)

The movie is all about a gang of wild teen vampires who roam the streets of Santa Carla, California. Led by Jack Bauer, you just know the violence is going to be fucktastic.

The premise of the movie is that it's cool to be a vampire, because they love to kill, wreak havoc, and mess with the puny human brain. Also, the movie follows most commonly accepted vampire folklore BTFIAU*.

Most importantly, the movie caused millions of girls to simultaneously drop their ovaries and become raging sluts almost overnight due to the hotness of the 99% male cast.

Thank you, Joel Schumacher.

*BTFIAU= Before Twilight Fucked It All Up.

The Legacy of The Lost Boys

TLB allowed vampires to become modernized and relevant to the 20th century. Yes, there were some pieces of crap vampire movies before it that tried, but failed miserably. The most notable vampires before TLB were Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee. Their movies were all fine and good, but how many times can you redo Dracula?

Oh. Apparently the answer to our rhetorical question is 217. Fuck.

Well, okay, how about this? TLB nailed it with 1 movie; it's taken 217 movies and counting to get a Dracula movie right. Who wants to keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a better result each time? You know what that's called? Insanity.

Or this.

Fuck it. Just go watch the movie.