Catholics Come Home

The amazingly bad campaign by the Catholic church and its PR machine to bring those wayward catholic sheep back in to the fold. What Mr Pope hasn't realised is it is way too much fun on the other side of the hell fire 'n' damnation doors.

Hell fire and damnation are not mentioned in the advert......

Just The Facts

  1. Ok lets look at this the right way now people, I'm an ex Catholic and not even the devil and his horseman are dragging me back into the hellfire and damnation that is preached in the catholic church.
  2. Who the hell wants to follow some almighty god who speaks through and only through some warped weirdo in a crappy hat and dress? Especially when that weirdo owns his own country and nuclear arsenal in the name of the good christain God.
  3. Dont wanna point this out but Catholicism has single handedly managed to destroy religions, countries, social policies and families from the first days of its inception. You really wanna listen to that ad?
  4. Catholics advertise in the way cigarette makers would love to. Get them young and you've got them forever. This is why Catholics have their kids christaned before they are old enough to say, no ma I choose hell, sounds like they is playing some good tunes down there, and satan aint so far never star
  5. The catholics just keep on throwing the poor damned babes into that there font, hoping and praying that this one will be the good one that keeps the family in the faith.

The Papal PR Machine

Wow that is one hell of an advert they got there isn't it? But by christ (oops excuse the blasphemy), it really is wrong isn't it? Yeah they are right about the whole being around for 2000 years, but thats the only thing I picked out so far thats correct and wholely correct in any way. Cos I have a bit of an issue with the rest of the advert. I could sit and pick it apart piece by piece but I'm sure you've already thought of it. In fact I'm gonna just for the fun anyhow so sit back and enjoy the ride. So the whole issue of multi racial religion? Ok not popular a subject to start I know but I'm pretty sure that the odd member of the Vatican security get a bit twitchy upon sight of what looks maybe somewhat akin to a muslim. Oh and when they see Tom Hanks in town. This screams not multi racial to me. Hugely. Young and old is what we have to think of next now chaps. Young my foot, think I may have said it before but a bit like the old cannibals, the catholics like the kids before they've cut there first tooth because then they can't scream No Mum don't make me do it at baptism. The old they don't mind too much about cos they don't say much either by the time the priest gets there because the last rights are only given in certain deadly situations. Hmmm and I'm guessing the geriatrics in reciept of them arent saying much. As to the rich and poor section of the ad, well lets be honest have you ever walked into an ostentatiously Catholic building that wasn't decked out like Seers during Thankgiving? Yes they are like all gold digging women everywhere, they like the bling so hit the wallets of rich followers.

So the Catholics started hospitals and orphanages did they?

Well in some ways yes in others they had to blow apart a system that had worked for 4000 yrs previously to create these great establishments. Because before hospitals every village and tribe had a healer. Not penicillin but a healer that did great work and often times knew stuff that wasn't really easy knowledge to obtain. Oh and I hate to say it the Catholics had nothing whatsoever to do with forming the modern hospital system either. For that we can thank a handful of forward thinking doctors during the early to mid nineteenth century and one great nurse Ms Florence Nightingale. Most doctors previous to the Catholic insanity reign were educated in ancient Greece from the time they could walk (now seriously a chuch getting them young is one thing I can't abhore, but a vocation? I'm getting that!). Hence the hippocratic oath instead of the hypocritical oath when Dr's become Dr's. As to orphanages we just didn't need them previous to the Catholic reign, because (now this may make you laugh) thats what family was for. Haha. Yep the god of family had to create orphanages because he destroyed the social structure that had worked for millenia regarding family. If the orphanage was needed for a disabled child instead of an unwanted child then lets be honest folks the thing didn't have a chance precatholic times, because it would have been left in the open air for a few days until it either died of starvation, freezing or being eaten by the big bad wolf. No biggy saved us all a few pennies in tax that system did.

Largest charity in the world is it? Really?

Ok its hard to find facts about this it really is. But have polled friends and family (including the good catholics) and they all said just one thing. "Do you mean the charity that spends the most on people or the charity that spends the most on glossy ads and borichures?" I think they have a point there. So yes the Catholic religion wins possibly hand down on the pr machine of glossy ads and brochures. Though we all thought about it and what comes to mind again and again is UNICEF. Yes I am aware they are a christian organisation, but christainity is not all about Catholics. Have you met any Pentecosts lately? Christains. Baptists? Christians. Have not as of yet managed to find a single one occurance of war caused by any of these christian religions. Not one.

Development of the scientific methods and the laws of evidence.

Yep sorry to burst another bubble people, but the scientific methods were around a long long time before Catholicsm. You can thank the Muslims and the Greeks for that specific part of history. The muslims and alexandrians had the best scientific libraries known to man. That is until the conquests began and the mighty church of Catholicism burnt them all to the ground. Because that old knowledge was useless anyow wasn't it? The laws of evidence we can specifically thank Pythagorus for and the students under his tutelage, as they decided way back in the fifteenth century that for any theorum to be fact it had to be proven by at least one other student independently of the original theorist. Hmmm also have to point out the fact that the other great mover and shaker in scientific process at the time was Gallileo. He also seperately pioneered the laws of evidence making it more than just theory. He was also tried by the Catholic church for proving some of there beliefs wrong and charged with treason. Poor chap was excommunicated for saying the milky way did not revolve around the world and revolved around the sun. So not seeing how in any way at all the Catholic church can say that they founded the idea of scientific principle. Oh and if the laws of evidence where the Catholic churches idea then where exactly is the evidence that anything that is purported to have happened in the good book at?

Compiled the Bible.

First of all which one? Errrrrr can see some blank faces staring at this article I can really. Firstly there is a bible for every religion. A bible by any other name and all that. But so much for compiling the bible when in fact we all know that at around 400 a.d the great leaders of Catholicism at the time decided to have a look at this set of books that every one was reading from and compile them into one. There was just too much information in the whole set of books for one good Catholic to assimilate, plus every book was written from a different perspective (not all of which were looked upon kindly by a male dominated religion either). So the pope at the time took to the books with a scalpel and a scribe (what you reckon the guy could write?) and mistranslated and chopped up the other 75,000 manuscripts so that it was more palatable for the masses. Unfortunately he probably left out an awful lot of knowledge that would have done the modern world a lot of good. Shame really. He also probably left out a lot of knowledge about who this mystical Jesus really was. If he'd left it in though Catholicism wouldn't have been around so long as we would all be sat here saying whoa now, why are we following a hippy with a big mouth?

2000 years of unbroken leadership.

Well this one really makes me wanna bite I must say. Being an ex-Catholic I know my religion well. I also learnt about my popes as a small child. At school to be honest we were taught how loving and benevolent that God and his chosen pope were. Catholics are good at lies to children. Have to point out here that there have been a range of delusional self obsessed murdering backstabbing fascist genocidal popes at many given times over the years. In fact (maybe shouldn't bring this up again) Hitler was backed to a vast amount by the Catholic church. (There goes my popularity). Well he was backed at least whilst he was only killing the Polish and Jews. As to the unbroken lineage of popes, Pope Benedict IX gave up his papacy not only once but three times for vast sums of gold (he was a quitter). Who here remembers the great tale of Judas and the thirty silver pieces? Cos we put that guy at the head of a world wide church! He was eventually forced out of papacy and trialed for bestiality and sex crimes. This is just one of the people who have been in charge of the Catholic church. We have also had adulterers, rapists, pornocrats (rule by divination of a harem, yes you do learn something new everyday), homosexuals (nope I don't judge but the Catholic church does), nepotism, corruption, torture and the inquisition. That was all before the four horsemen had arrived and really lets be honest the majority of these crimes were commited by the Borgia family and there descendants in the church followed suit.

Because Jesus really wants to come back to earth and look at a cross.....

The shepherds that have helped in a confused and hurt world.

Just a simple sentence coming. Just a small one. It will mean a lot. The Irish troubles. Did you get my point? Two hundred years of conflict between Catholics and Protestants. End of story. I knew you would get my point.