The Golden Globes

The Golden Globe Awards are to the Academy Awards what the Go-bots were to the Transformers. They also give awards for TV, so the above comparison would also work with the Emmys.

We'd try to launch ours into space, if we had one.

Just The Facts

  1. Awarded by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, a group of foreign reporters who joined to foster better access to actors and studios.
  2. Ceremony is held in January.
  3. Nobody, except the HFPA and entertainment news, gives a shit about these awards. So yeah, nobody cares.

Who is the HFPA and what are the Golden Globe Awards?

Below is a description straight from their website, our comments are not italicized:
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association's (HFPA) annual Golden Globe Awards (GGAs) have enabled the non-profit organization to donate more than $10.5 million in the past fifteen years to entertainment-related charities, as well as funding scholarships and other programs for future film and television professionals. In the year 2009 the donation was more than 1.2 million dollars, the largest tally ever distributed in the organization's history.
Awww shucks, doesn't that make you feel good? Usually these Hollywood award ceremonies are about red carpets and celebrity gift bags. The HFPA's GGAs help ensure that we'll have well educated people creating TV and movies. Wait a minute, if a degree at a good film school costs $25,000 a year, then a full four years would be $100,000. Meaning the 2009 donation would only cover 12 whole people. That's twelve more than we helped, but still, lately TV and movies have sucked for the most part. Is this why we have dipshits programming sixteen hour marathons of a show with fifteen hours worth of episodes? Or six hour blocks of Scrubs for no apparent reason?

Known worldwide for its glittering Golden Globe Awards ceremony held every January and its multi-million dollar donations to charity, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association had humble origins that stemmed solely from a group of journalists' desire to efficiently and accurately cover all aspects of the world of entertainment.

We're pretty sure the "glittering" ceremony is what's known worldwide, and if the charity also happens to be causing a decline in entertainment quality, they should probably keep it that way. Essentially they were a group of foreign reporters who wanted to "...cover all aspects of the world of entertainment", we wonder if that includes the Paparazzi. Probably does, seeing as how it's entertainment magazines and shows their photos end up on.

Today's organization has its roots in the early 1940s when Pearl Harbor had drawn America into World War II. Audiences, hungry for diversion, were seeking out films offering escape, inspiration and entertainment; and filmmakers such as Orson Welles, Preston Sturges, Darryl Zanuck and Michael Curtiz were working hard to fulfill the need...
We honestly can't say we've read or heard about a rush to see movies in the immediate aftermath of Pearl Harbor. Seemed like people were busy enlisting, getting factory work, rationing, and buying war bonds to concentrate on movies right away. Well that's what the posters of the time led us to believe anyway.

Couldn't find one that said anything about spending money on movies, oh wait...

...Amid the turmoil of war and the difficulties with communications, a handful of Los Angeles-based overseas journalists banded together to share contacts, information and material.

You read that right, as the war expanded across the globe, a group of foreign entertainment reporters decided to band together in order to report on Hollywood. You know what this means? The entertainment business has always been as important to people as it is today. It certainly goes a long way to explain why Michael Jackson's death got more coverage than the protests in Iran about a hotly contested election. People, like Neda Agha-Soltan were being killed in the streets of Tehran, we got Michael Jackson dead at 50 and others like it.
*Orson Welles was nominated for three GGAs, he never won. Almost seems like they were jerkin' him around, considering he was the first name mentioned.