Ravers

Ravers are a rare breed of human beings that thrive on party going and tripping balls, all while looking ridiculous as possible. Think Lady GaGa minus creativity and multiply ridiculousness by 100.&&(n

Do you accept Bracelet Christ as your Lord and Raviour?

While not completely necessary, wearing the biggest and brightest pants you can find will score you some serious points with the God of Rave. Might score you some E too!

Pacifiers: Kid tested, Raver approved.

Just The Facts

  1. Thanks to bright pastel colors and enough bracelets to induce carpal tunnel syndrome, ravers are completely visible at night time. Instant collision insurance!
  2. Ravers often suck on pacifiers when they go to raves. For years people thought this was because ravers are much like babies, cute and very annoying. Turns out it's to keep them from grinding their teeth if they've taken ecstasy.
  3. Raver does not equal drug addict. Although ecstasy pills enhance your surroundings and convince you that you look cooler than shit.

A brief history


Right after That's So Raven!

The rave scene came to America in the early 90's, which is entirely too long ago. You can thank England, where the movement apparently started just a few years before. The typical rave includes a DJ performance, dancing, drug use (not always, but more often than you'd think) and drug use. Raves are usually held in remote locations such as abandoned buildings or the middle of a desert. Some ravers are identified as Candy Kids (sometimes spelled Kandi).

Some ravers will use the acronym PLUR which stands for: Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. People may say this is an attempt to revive the heart and soul of the Woodstock/Hippe movement, except with worse clothing and way more drugs. Some people prefer it's alternate meaning: People Looking Utterly Retarded.

Good music has never been played at any rave, ever. A raver's typical soundtrack consists of 'happy hardcore' beats, and annoying house techno with pitched-up Alvin and the Chipmunks style vocals. It's been said that these vocals, while under the influence of ecstasy often sound like direct orders from Satan.

Don't even think about leaving the house without at least four glowsticks, two for each hand. Buy all the candy you can afford, it'll taste like you're making out with the ghost of Michael Jackson, if you're high enough.

So, what have we learned today kids? Ecstasy is awesome, wear retarded clothing, and listen to the only type of music that's worse than Country.

Do yourself a favor, punch a raver.


"I can feel it, coming in the air tonight, oh Lord..."