Snorlax

Snorlax is the Buddha of Pokemon: a large, benevolent guardian in a world full of yammering retards and mind-numbing repetition. Also, he is hilariously overweight.

Look how happy he is.

The most popular result for Snorlax image searches. Truly tasteless... Snorlax isn't nearly that ugly.

Just The Facts

  1. Snorlax is Pokemon #143, and has been involved in the series since the first game in 1996.
  2. Snorlax is the 5th heaviest Pokemon (and the 2nd most majestic, behind only Norris).
  3. Snorlax recognizes all tangible things as edible, though he will probably learn to eat intangible things such as ideas and emotions in future games.
  4. Snorlax will crush your frail, feminine frame into sickening organ jelly - and you will still think he's absolutely precious.

A Stand-Up Dude in a World of Bullshit

"Why, I do believe I will bodyslam you into Hades, my good man!"

Snorlax's first appearance, in 1996, was as a roadblock in the first Pokemon games, Pokemon Red and Pokemon Green. He is found sleeping in the center of a pathway blocking the player's progress into the next area, and cannot be woken. Also, regardless of whatever awesome Pokemon you're carrying, you can't do a GOD DAMN THING to wake him up. The player, in the only useful fetch quest of about 9 million in the game, has to locate a Poke-Flute to wake the sleeping lummox. The sound of this flute, which must be comparable to nothing less than Kenny G playing a pan pipe made of Fran Drescher's bones, instantly awakens him. A noble and gentle creature, he proceeds to build the factory that produces the cans of Whoopass that lesser Pokemon can only open.

If by some miracle you are able to defeat and capture him, he proves to be a valuable ally, and takes up the "Gandalf" slot in your party (i.e. sitting around doing precisely fuck-all for days on end, and then popping in to save everyone's asses at the opportune time). There are really only two stages of Pokemon play: "Before Acquiring Snorlax", and "Dominating".

He is one of the only good reasons to play the game, and has the catlike ability to instill inner calm in everyone in the vicinity, even while bludgeoning his opponents into oblivion.

Smash Appearances

Ike, Dedede, and Kirby just shat their asses... but they're okay with it.

Ike, Dedede, and Kirby just shat their asses... but they're okay with that.

Snorlax appears as a Poke-Ball in all of the Smash Bros. games, and unleashes a massive Body Slam when used. A Snorlax Poke-Ball is one of the few game-stopping items in the Smash series (others include Nintendog, Peach's final smash, and deciding that you should show up for at least part of your next class). Unlike most of the other "game-stoppers", Snorlax is usually a pleasant surprise... in fact very few players have the usual KO-related violent outbursts after receiving a Snorlax beatdown. As you can see, his Smash incarnation dwarfs even the morbidly obese King Dedede.

In the Poke Floats stage of Super Smash Bros. Melee, there is also an enormous Snorlax parade float, and everyone fights on its belly. The sheer size of this thing will give you a broner (that's short for "Bro-Boner" which is a non-sexual boner for Bro things), and God help you if a Snorlax Poke-Ball shows up on the Snorlax float.

It's about on par with the porn tree.

Munchlax

Fucker.

Fucker.

This little bastard is the "base model" of a Snorlax. In Pokemon, usually one acquires a young, wussy little creature that evolves over time and use, eventually becoming more powerful. For example, Pichu evolves into Pikachu, and then Raichu. Snorlax, however, was created as perfection, and therefore in no need whatsoever of any kind of evolutionary tree. Munchlax debuted in 2004 with the 4th Generation Pokemon games (Diamond and Pearl), by which time Snorlax had been paying his dues for almost a decade. Munchlax is both the slowest and heaviest of all "baby" Pokemon, although he has the highest base stats of any of them.

He also appears in the Smash games as a Poke-Ball, and makes an absolutely hilarious noise when used. He waddles around the stage eating items like a poor college student home for the holidays, taking everything useful and leaving behind only crap, and much worse crap.

Despite the existence of this disgusting bullshit, it manages to be an awesome game.