Oranges: Not just a color?
With Humanity effectively whipping Natures ass with our godless metal boom sticks, (see actual ending of Avatar) we have turned our attention to decide where the other inferior species should fit into our plans. This has led me to go on a 40 fueled bender of sciencetastic rage. Behold my results!
Our Lord and Saviour Wikipedia describes da Tangs as the largest arboreal primates in the world which can only mean that they are ass rapists. Some say this is a mental scar left upon them by their sicking birth-lurch into the world via your mother's skank hole and thus turning them off pussy forever. This mentality means along with their size could mean that they could prove worthy minions when domesticated and used to man platoons of ass rapists that could be deployed en masse to the homes of Cracked's enemies. But before we become delusional with dreams of our foe's wailing being drowned out by the shrieks of a platoon of horny orange chimps, we must take into account one thing
They are Dumb-Fucks
Wikipedia goes on to claim that the Orangutan is only surpassed in smarty-ness by humans.
Let that soak in for a moment, Orangutans are scientifically proven to be stupider than that woman at Burger King for whom the complexities of NOT putting ketchup on your burger will send them into a stupid coma. This means that our legions are just as likely to rape a nearby lamp shade as our sworn enemies, and while 25 grunting orangutans furiously raping your lampshade in the middle of the night may be terrifying, we should expect to leave physical scars along with mental ones.
Make badass juice, can be eaten as a hand fruit, and taste considerably better with vodka. Nuff said.