Queen Victoria

Queen Victoria was known as the "Grandmother of Europe" as she has given birth to half of Europe's royalty. Today, all European monarchs are descended from her, except monarchs from the Netherlands and Belgium (two strange Dutch speaking countries).

Just The Facts

  1. Queen Victoria was the longest reigning monarch in Britain. To beat her, Queen Elizebeth II would have to live to 2017.
  2. Survived seven assasination attempts.
  3. One of which was by a dude who used a gun loaded with paper and tobacco.
  4. Contrary to popular belief, the iconic phrase "We are not amused" was never uttered by her. You have been lied to your whole life.
  5. In case you're wondering, "we" did not actually mean "we". It was called "pluralis maiestatis" and was just a fancy term for "I".
  6. It was also a term reserved for the royalty. If you used it back then, you would be hanged, drawn and quartered and have your soul damned by the Church of England.
  7. Unless you're Catholic or Jewish, of course. In which case your soul would already be damned.

The Victorian Era

Every dog has its day and every reign had a name. Queen Victoria's was cleverly called the Victorian era. It was a time of great John Bull muscle flexing; the empire expanded exponentially and industrialization happened at an awesomely rapid rate.

It was the best of times but it was also the worst of times. For the majority of the people, life was quite shitty. Proper sanitation was scarce, jobs were rare and almost half of the babies born do not make it out of infancy.

If you were born then, you were just shit out of luck. Kids then didn't have PS3s or iPhones or private jets. They got sent off to work the moment they were born. If they complained or bitched about it, the little shit would be slapped straight across the cheeks with a walking stick (all men used walking sticks in those times) and then promptly shipped off to a coal mine.

Suck it up. Life sucks.