Torture

So, you want to learn about torture? This should teach you some new tricks, unless your current employers' name ends in -ia (think Mafia, CIA).

This is called the Iron Maiden and as you can imagine, it would be fucking unpleasant.

Modern torture has become decidedly less badass.

The only thing scarier, perhaps, than waking up in an ice bath with a kidney missing.

Just The Facts

  1. The only people who actually get tortured are gang members, terror [suspects], and the occasional serial killer victim.
  2. Thanks to modern advancements in drugs, you will (most of the time) no longer die from your torture experience.
  3. Torture methods include simulated drowning, drug injections, and forced watching of the DirecTV help channel for hours on end.

Types of Torture.

Some of these methods are (I presume) still in use today, the rest are from the good ol' dark ages. The main categories of torture are: Impalement, Stretching/Crushing, Exposure/Deprivation. The following sections contain descriptions and pictures of each method. If you want to read about torture in-depth, follow the link at the bottom. If you want to watch a funny Youtube clip, follow the first video link. If you want to continue in Spanish, press 2.

Impalement

This beauty here is called Toe Wedging, though keep in mind it was also used on fingers. What the torturer did was find a slim and sharp metal or wood object and then proceed to jam it into the quick of the toe or finger.

Cleverly called the torture chair, this one operated on the principles of both gravity and impalement.

The next is by far the most unpleasant and I'm certainly glad they didn't have a photo of this for obvious reasons. It's simply called The Saw. Notice the carpenters seem rather happy.

And to finish Impalement on a brighter note, enjoy this. It's called the Judas Cradle.

Stretching/Crushing

The infamous Rack. Those ropes at the top and bottom were attached to the arms and legs respectively. When cranked the ropes would stretch out the body. Eventually the shoulders would be dislocated and limbs pulled right off. Kind of like you pulling the leg off that rotisserie chicken.

The Pear of Anguish. Sounds like a fruit, but turns out, it's more like a twisted sex toy. It was reserved exclusively for witches, liars, blasphemers and homosexuals. The Pear was inserted into an orifice and operated; the leaves would spread, tearing the opening of the orifice in question. Liars and blasphemers would get the object inserted into their mouth; witches and homsexuals? Think below the waist.

The Garrote. This works by constricting airflow and eventually snapping the vertabrae in the neck. See video link.

Exposure/Deprivation

Dunking. For some reason, the citizens of the Middle Ages had the same aversion to witches that people of the south have to higher education. So when they found a witch, apparently through the combination of complex algorithms and blind accusations, they would dunk her in water until she confessed to a fictional occupation; at which point (pun intended) she would be drowned.

Burning at the Stake. This is a another one reserved for blasphemers, thieves, and those cursed witches. It's more of an execution method, but could take up to several hours depending on the size of the fire. Burn baby, burn.

Rat Torture. This basically involved attaching a three-sided cage to a part of the body and adding a rodent, usually a rat. The rat, once he got hungry or just wanted to get the fuck out of the cage, would start munching on you. Now rats aren't the cleanest animals in the world and have rather sharp claws and teeth, so one of two things is going to kill you; the rat eating a hole in you or the infection you got from a rat eating a hole in you.