Operation Chokehold

AT&T vs. Apple nerds. Whoever wins, we point and laugh.

Like this, except with lots of iPhones.

Just The Facts

  1. AT&T has spent less and less on maintaining and building its network even as it has been getting rich off the iPhone.
  2. iPhone users are understandably pissed at their toy being on a crappy network, and have complained about AT&T's shitty network.
  3. AT&T's response was to say it was because the iPhone sucked and they were awesome.
  4. So on December 18th, 2009, at 3pm, iPhone users are going to start using data-intensive apps, and we'll get to see a large company shit itself.

Apple Nerds Vs. Bloated and Ignorant Former Monopoly! FIGHT!

So, as we all know from Verizon ads, personal experience, and common sense, AT&T's network blows. This is because AT&T thinks a 30% dropped call rate in New York City is absolutely acceptable, because we are all still in grade school and a C means you've passed.

iPhone owners, already struggling with the dual disability of being enormous nerds and Apple fanboys, are pretty ripshit about AT&T's crappy network. AT&T, being a company that has been in business in some form or another for a century, promptly replied the only way they knew how, saying the iPhone totally sucked, clearly somehow believing that it was still 1909 and people couldn't just check to see how the iPhone was doing on other carriers (answer: much better than AT&T, even in Eastern Bloc hellholes). They also said they were going to offer "incentives" for people to stop using data so much: i.e. they were going to start punishing the customer for using their product. They even paid the New York Times to run a piece about how shitty the iPhone was. These were people that had just finished an argument with 4Chan, and apparently they learned from that clusterfuck that mocking nerds and getting them pissed off was awesome.

Fake Steve Jobs, who's famous if you read blogs, enjoy Apple products, and like hostility (so not famous at all), shredded them and then proposed Operation Chokehold: as many iPhone users as possible running useless overpriced bullshit data intensive applications on their toys hyper-advanced brilliant smart devices at once, which will probably cause AT&T's network to cry and completely destroy phone service on said network across the nation.

AT&T has basically called it irresponsible and said "Bring it on."

Again, they're not good with the "learning the mistakes of the past" thing.

What Side Should I Be On?

That's a tricky question. Ask yourself this:

A) Am I on AT&T?

If Yes, go to next question. If No, go pop some popcorn: this is gonna be good. Call some friends on your non-shitty network (unless you have Sprint, in which case, HA-HA!)

B) Am I a disaffected hipster douchebag?

If Yes, you should be on Apple's side. If No, proceed to next question.

C) Do I like fat stupid monopolies?

If Yes, you should be on AT&T's side, and also are probably late to your Ayn Rand Society meeting. If No, then maybe you should consider switching providers from somebody