GHOST SHOWS

Enter the world of paranormal reality tv. It's like Real World meets UFO Hunters; you know it's bullshit, but you can't stop watching a group of meat heads run around making asses of themselves.

9 p.m. Eastern on SyFy

Just The Facts

  1. Acording to ghost experts, there is a ghost in your house right now. It more than likely watches you masturbate.
  2. Remember that noise you heard last night? That cold chill from the open window? That was a ghost.
  3. Despite never finding anything...ever... these shows continue to draw viewers.
  4. If you're a ghost and a group of fat smelly men with electronic equpiment invade your home, turn down the thermostat and drop any objects you can loudly, as to give them somthing to do whilst you make your escape.

Ghosts and television

There is a new craze sweeping prime time television. It consists of the production of mediocre reality shows based on paranormal activity. Shows like Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Activity, and Celebrity Ghost Stories. Did you read that last one? Now B-list celebrities are going on tv making up repetative stories for cash. Oh what is the world coming to.

Ghost's perspective.

Ghost's Perspective.

No seriously, if the words "celebrity" and "stories" are in the same sentence, you can rest assured bullshit is on the way. Im hoping most of you watch just to laugh, because they are geting enough views to not only stay on the air, but to squat down and let fly multiple replica shows, each worse and more smeared in feces than the next.

Most of these shows consist of groups of middle aged, balding, and obese men armed with infared cameras wandering aimlessly around old ass buildings "hunting" ghosts. Now, the fact that they are in old, rickety buildings (which by definition make creepy noises) doesn't hinder them from thinking every noise audible is a ghost fucking with them. No, really. It also doesn't seem to impact them at all that these old, rickety abandoned buildings don't get cold on the inside, what without sunlight and all. Nope any temperature, oh let's not get specific here, "Hey guys! I'm getting a pretty cold reading over here!" must be a sure sign of a motherfucking ghost. Pretty cold = ghost. Period.

Don't take our word for it, turn on your television and wait for the commercials. Our personal favorite is one for Ghost Hunters. It manages to emulate what every single episode of the show has to offer all in about a minute. It consists of two guys wandering around some abandoned building shouting, "What was that! Did you hear that? I think it came from down there! Who's there? SHOW YOURSELF" Okay... Really? I mean do they honestly believe people are diluded enough to think this is real? Or, did they hire two borderline mentally disabled men, and tell them they were playing hide and seek on a new television show. I say it's more than likely both.

Leave it to the profesionals.

Now that we got the Ghostbusters joke out of the way; If you watch these shows, for any other reason than to mock them, change the fucking channel. You are allowing them to think they are a creditable televison series with a serious fan base. This must be stopped before every channel has some sort of ghost related show. Celebrity ghost club? FOX reality just came in their pants.