Croatia

Croatia is a small country in South-East Europe known for never doing anything notable at all.

Aside from that, nothing.

See, in the bottom image, Croatia has been removed, and you can hardly tell it's not there.

Just The Facts

  1. Croatia wants to be in the EU. It's also in a number of lesser groups, like CEFTA (Central European something-or-other)
  2. Croatia is slightly smaller than the African nation of Togo. Haven't heard of it? That makes two of us.
  3. Croatia was greatly involved in WWII, when it got... taken over by Germany... in less than ten days...

History

Croatia has a great and noble history, dating back to the seventh century when a bunch of people called Croats moved in. Since then, Croatia has been tossed around, merging, dissolving, and remerging with pretty much every one of it's European nations. In general, it's been screwed over by a tonne of countries - Italy, Germany, Russia, Serbia, Turkey, Hungary, Germany (again), Bosnia, and that country that always seems to be part of Bosnia yet insists it retains it's own name. Oh, and for a while Croatia was part of Yugoslavia.

Boring

Croatia is really boring. Nothing particularly interesting has ever happened there.
Seriously, when I clicked on "create" to create this thing I thought that I'd be able to simply find a bunch of interesting things about Croatia and then make dick jokes for a whole article.
No such luck.

Penis Chair!

Google "Croatia". No, wait, Google "interesting Croatia facts".
Likely be, you'll have found a series of web pages with purportedly interesting facts about Croatia. If you didn't, congratulations! you have broken the internets.
Some of these are written by Croatians themselves.

Here's one:

  • The necktie was invented in Croatia and is locally known as 'cravat'.

    This appears to be the most interesting fact there, because it keeps appearing on countless other pages.

    "8) The necktie was invented in Croatia and is called a "cravat," which is derived from the word "Croat.""

"* The necktie was invented in Croatia and they call it a "crovat". "

There's even a Facebook page for things that are important from Croatia, and all it seems to say is that Croatians invented some kind of flashlight, mechanical pencils and neckties. What has this country got going for it?

Nothing. Seriously - I just went and googled Croatia some more, to try and extend this article to a more reasonable level, and the first link looked promising. The first line greeted me:

"Did you know that Croatia is the mother country of the necktie?"

GAAAAHHH!

What about Wikipedia? Surely Wikipedia is immune to the false Neckish Charms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croatia#Culture
What's the first thing you see?

Oh well.

Small.

Wanna know the worst thing? Croatia didn't even invent the damn necktie, they were just tying handkerchiefs around their necks to keep themselves warm because they couldn't afford scarves.