Courtney Love

Early on in Courtney's life, some stuff happened. Most of it was not good.

Some quick highlights include her father alledgedly feeding her LSD when she was 3, and living in various communes in Oregon with her hipppie therapist mother.

At age 12 she auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club. She read a Sylvia Plath poem. This did not please Der Rodent Führer. No mouse ears for Courtney.

As a teen, while living off a trust fund she decided she aspired to be a stripper. Yes, a trust fund. Full of money.

In 1990, Courtney found the golden ticket: She met Kurt Cobain. She got knocked up by Kurt Cobain. They named the baby Frances Bean Cobain. She married Kurt Cobain.

Courtney admitted in an interview that she was doing heroin during the early stages of her pregnancy. In an unrelated note, child services decided to remove Frances Bean from their home for a period of time directly after she admited this.

Kurt killed himself.

During a memorial service in Seattle for Kurt, she asked everyone to call Kurt "an asshole". They did so, proving that Courtney wasn't the only "asshole" in attendance.

Hole's "Live Through This" was released.

Later, some more stuff happened. Just about all of it was not good. In fact, a lot of it was just terrible: Rehab stints, eating disorders, public nudity, house arrest, sex with sea lions, missing millions of dollars, losing custody of Frances again, flashing David Letterman during an appearance on The Late Show. Wait, the sea lions part isn't true, yet.

"I like to behave in an extremely normal, wholesome manner for the most part in my daily life. Even if mentally I'm consumed with sick visions of violence, terror, sex and death."

"Alright, kill me. Crucify me. Get me, come on. Tear my breasts off. Take off my underwear. Little shreds. Go on, do it. Take out my hair. Break my arms, break my teeth." - to Barbara Walters

"I have a magic pussy. If you fuck me, you become a king. I'm a kingmaker." - Rolling Stone

There we have it.

Confused? You shouldn't be.

Alright, maybe a little explanation is in order.

Courtney Love is not your mother or grandmother, she is not running for congress, and she sure as hell isn't going to iron your shirt or cook your dinner. Imagine banging the chick that beat up the prom queen on the world's largest roller coaster during a category 5 hurricane, and you've just ingested a bag of Absinthe soaked magic mushrooms. That should get you into her zip code.

For a few moments anyway.

Although Twitter wasn't Courtney's first online crazytime rodeo (anyone remember the Ryan Adams myspace rants?), this was a treasure trove of deranged looniness and sharpened barbs fired at any and all of her enemies and friends.

For those of you that enjoy:

• watching live surgery
• travelling the country while stopping at every railroad crossing along the way with camera ready in hand, hoping a horrible wreck will happen right in front of you
• viewing and rewinding the Joe Theisman leg injury video repeatedly
• Francisco Goya's Black Paintings period, specifically "Saturn Devouring His Son"

Courtney's short-lived Twitter stint provided a combination of all of the above, delivered in an Autistic childlike poetic flow:

"its psycho we each have a massive living room and a pool yes i am getting a PERM my brain is full of images of stevie, someone had to go1st"

"GWAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR i will shank somebody, i will fucking shank somebody, and to top it off i have stage nerves, and need a vox warmup"

"BUT excepting shit spelling like when i write "liek" when im really angry or in a hurry i think everything i write makes PERFECT sense."

"and then theres Crispin Glover drinking the Melting Cat Juice, I have to say..Hmm, Im confused, all pink and waaay gar from me and then?"

And then?

And then it ended with a fizzle after a libel lawsuit was filed against her by some other skank a fashion designer Courtney had been defaming via a stream of tweets. Lawyers read that shit too, it turns out.

You can't keep a strong-willed, independent raving lunatic woman from ranting incoherently expressing her thoughts for long.

Courtney's not on Twitter anymore, but she's on Facebook now, bitches.

Spelling still horrible? Check.

Rambling, incomprehensible run-on sentences? Oh yeah.

Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears have made appearances in her delusions posts, and hey Edward Norton, you need to return Courtney's $300K, STAT.

A recent post dealing with the custody struggle for Frances Bean included this "sentence":

"dont worry frances is a wonderful kid shes gotbadd people around her and wants it both ways, her aunt brieanne who isnt kurts sister is a black hole, look ask charlie cross or don cobain whart a disaster the drunk as fuck nasty assed brieanne is,ask kelly osbourne, well im going out with ms palmer and ms kirke and frances have fun on your covers of the tabs, thats what your wonder bread side likes, you couldve asked for emanicaption youc ouldve gone to simons rock, but you have to get involved with that terrifying not to me, to you witch who keeps britney spars in jail? thats insane."

If there's one thing we can all agree on, that is definitely fucking insane.