Star Trek: Voyager

The third spin-off of Star Trek. It defied odds by lasting 4 years longer than the original series, and convincing people to watch UPN.

Just The Facts

  1. Voyager is a futuristic/scientific/female version of Homer's Odyssey
  2. Stargate: Universe ripped off everything interesting about this series
  3. Watched by two groups: 1) Those who love the original Star Trek, and wish to document all the ways in which this series ruined its legacy and 2) Those who love Jeri Ryan and wish to document all the ways in which she improves everything.
  4. The first program to air on UPN.
  5. The only program to be watched on UPN.

The Plot

The USS Voyager is on a mission to capture a Marquis ship. (The Marquis are psuedo terrorists, similar to PETA) Voyager eventually finds the Marquis ship but only after being dragged 75,000 light years away to the Delta Quadrent, the one corner of the galaxy not already occupied by another Star Trek series.

Despite technically being enemies the Voyager and Marquis crew decide to join forces, thus saving the complex emotional drama for Battlestar Galactica. Togther they begin a 75 year journey home that only lasts 7 seasons.

In those 7 seasons Voyager managed to not only develop new and interesting alien races, but explore hard hitting social issues overlooked in previous Star Trek incarnations, but in addition ignore sexist sterreotypes of past shows.

Pictured: hard hitting social issues overlooked in previous Star Trek incarnations

The Ship

USS Voyager

USS Voyager is an Intrepid Class starship. Intrepid of course is latin for: Useless Geek-knowledge.

Simple put, Voyager is smaller than the Enterprise, housing only 150 instead a 1000. Due to is smaller size Voyager has less weapons and defensive capabilities than previous Star Trek ships. Basically, it would not be a Captain's first choice for treking across the galaxy.

Through out the course of the series, the ship is pimped out with a variety of alien technology to surpass any short comings, however the series ended before a set of spinners could be installed.

The Crew

The main characters aboard Voyager have a tendency to be carbon copies of previous Star Trek characters, the first represenative an overlooked demographic, or both.

"As woman, I am more likely to ask for directions home."

Captain Janeway: Janeway represents the 24 century Odysseus. While she is not the first female Captain dipicted on a Star Trek series, she is the first female lead in a Star Trek series. Janeway might possible be the first lesbian Captain in Star Trek history; the debate is on going.

"Why yes, I am a MIke Tyson fan!"

First Officer Chakotay: Former Marquis leader, hardcore supporter of facial tatoos, but this is overlooked because supposedly Chakotay is Native American. Despite his Marquis origins, Chakotay is the most by-the-book First Officer since Spock.

"Change, that is logical"

Security Chief Tuvok: Nearly 100 years old, was around during the time of Star Trek VI. Basically a cross between Worf and Spock. Tuvok lost out on being the first African American on Star Trek by three decades, but he is the first black that's pretty damn cool too.

"If we remove the deflector dish by 1100 hours, the spinners can be installed by 1300 hours."

Chief Engineer Torres: Human/Klingon, first female engineer in Star Trek series. B'Elanna Torres is a stand in for the hispanic demographic and the role-playing-demogrpahic (everyone knows a Human/Klingon has +13 attack points).

Tom Paris, looking very smug

"I may not be Kirk, but at least the hairs real."

Chief Helmsman Tom Paris: A poor man's Captain Kirk. He spends way too much time on the holo-deck, which is the 24th cenutry equivalent to Online Gaming, which explains his interest in Torres (see above). Tom acutally appears as the same character in a TNG episode, but was given a new name for Voyager to avoid paying rolaties to a former writer, because fuck, all writers are loaded.

Harry Kim, standing around, arms crossed

"Hey, at least I am not Wesley"

Chief Operations Officers Harry Kim: This tolkan Asian is less Sulu and more Wesley Crusher. Throughout the series, Harry is constantly grappling with his youth, and relative inexpierenced with...everything. However, like Wesley, he is usually the guy that develops the Trekism that saves the day.

Doctor, practically a statue

"I am a Doctor, not a metaphor for desinfranchised 21 century humans"

Doctor: Holigraphic Doctor that gave up on thinking of an original name around season two. Kind of like Data, but with Dr. Macoy's mannerisms. He is constantly trying to grow beyond his holographic identity, but is not above using cynisism. In a way he is the perfect doctor since he literally has an encyclopedia of medical knowledge in his brain/database. In addition he can only contract computer and software related illness, which wouldn't come up a whole lot, except this is a science-fiction series. (it comes up a lot)

Neelix preparing the tail-gate whop

"I've put enough Romulan Ale into this punch to take down a Naussican"

Moral Officer Neelix: a Talaxian cook/hitch-hicker. Has his own ship but choose to bum a ride from Voyager. Neelix is a less evil and more asthetically pleasing version of Quark.

space hippie

"I going to die long before I become jaded about my tree hugging ways"

Aeroponics caretaker Kes: an Ocampan female. It is due to her species incompetence that Voyager is stranded in the Delta Quadrent. Her speices only lives about 10 years. Her job is to grow vegetables in a cargo bay for the crew; Kes is Voyager's version of a space hippie. She left part way through the series to die slowly off screen and allow a blonde with a larger cup size to take her place.

ugly 7 of 9, cute 7 of 9

"Ironically, it became harder to resist me after I left the Borg."

Astrometrics Operator Seven of Nine, (a.k.a. blonde with larger cup size): A human dissconnected from the Borg. One of the first humans to be assimilated. Upon joining the crew, Seven got rid of the hippie-den and put in an Astrometrics lab to help Voyager navigate through star systems. Seven represent one of the biggest struggles of the modern woman; is it possible for a woman to be respected more for her mind than her body?

Turns out the answer is No.

Important Delta Quadrent Aliens

Just as Deep Space NIne introduced the world to Gamma Quadrent aliens like, the Domian and Changelings, Voyager expanded the list of unique alien worlds and races in the Delta Quadrent, but unlike DS9, Voyager could always fall back on the much loved Borg (insert Jeri Ryan joke here).

Ocampan: A race of elf like aliens that age similar to a dog, aging 7 years for every 1 human year. The Ocampan have special mind powers that allow telekanetics, but only during Deus Ex moments. A god-like alien took pity on this race and dragged Voyager into the Delta Quadrent to help baby-sit.

Talaxian: A speices that lost its homeworld due to war. The entire race is spread across the Delta Quadrent, and occasionally show up when ever Neelix needs an intresting story line.

Vidiians: This race was one of the main antagonists in the first few seasons. The whole race was suffering from the "phage," which is a space version of Swine Flu. To find a cure, the Vidiians harvest the orgins of alien races in hopes of finding a cure. (Even in the 24th century Universal Healthcare remains aullusive.)

Although, Vidiians love the idea of "Death Panels"

Kazons: The main antagonist in the first few seasons. The Kazons are a tribe based culture that basically steals technology from other races.

In the begining, the Kazon would have settled for the Federation's hair softing shampoo.

Specifically the Kazons try to steal Federation transporter technology. However, the only reason the Kazon pose a threat is because Voyager is all alone, and the Kazon are assholes. Also, their sexist.

"We changed the motto to "Where no one has gone," for a reason !

Hirogens: A nomadic race that likes to hunt. Kind of like the Predator, except they speak English and have no cloak.. Voyager eventually made peace with this race by giving them holo-deck technology. (Keep in mind, the Kazon were only enemies because Capt. Janeway would not give up transporter tech.) Did I mention the Hirogens used the holo-deck to simulate WWII and they played the Nazis.

Yes, the Hirogens are that fucking scary!

Species 8472: Not technically a Delta Quadrent native, not technically a native to our dimension. This speices is from an organic dimension and looks like a CGI insect. Named by the borg, and are the only speices that are capable of putting the smack down on the Borg collective without even trying.

Borg: responsible for 40% of the conflict on the series. For those of you who have never seen a Star Trek episode since Shatner took his last awkward pause; the Borg are a collective of cybernetic beings trying to become perfect. Doesn't sound so bad until you realize their method of abtaining perfection is to assimillate by force every advance culture they come across. The Borg are Space Zombies. This alone makes them coolest thing about Star Trek. However this collective of space zombies is run lke a Bee Hive. There is a Borg Queen, ya get it.

The Borg are the exact opposite of Voyager. Both represent collectives lead by strong females, except one is good and one is evil. I am told that this similarity/difference makes for interesting story telling.

This Quadrent only has room in it for one Queen Bitch!