That Guy That You Just Hate For Some Reson

People hate other people. It's an unfortunate fact. Sometimes this hate is specific, like hating someone for chewing loudly or for being Dane Cook. Other times it's more vaguely defined personality traits.

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY

Just The Facts

  1. He has no idea you hate him.
  2. Despite your best efforts, you will run into him at least once everyday.
  3. The urge to punch him in his stupid pukey face will become so intesne that restraining yourself from doing so will lead to insanity.

Way Too Cheerful Guy

Way Too Cheerful guy is, as many of you may have probably inferred, always cheerful. He always has a smile ready to give everyone passing by, and seems to just love life. Why? Who the fuck knows. All YOU know is it makes you want to punch him in the balls, but you never do, because you have a sneaking suspicion that he would still be smiling and even offer a "thank you."

Way Too Cheerful is the one of the easiest kind of people to hate, because he also taps into fear. No one should be that happy without a reason, so what reason could he possibly have? Is he a serial killer? A deranged mental patinet who escaped to freedom? Is he banging your girlfriend?

Or maybe he's boning your girlfriend

He's totally banging your girlfriend

When people are always, constantly this cheery, it's less endearing and a lot more creepy. We become more nervous at their constant happiness, as if they know something we don't. And since no one likes being out of the loop, we begin to dispise the loop. The loop in this case being Way Too Cheerful guys face.

Won't Take No For An Answer Guy

Remember Jason Bateman's neighbor in Extract? Well, Mike Judge didn't just make him up out of thin air. These people do exist, much like the chupacabra. Also like the chupacabra, Won't Take No For An Answer Guy is immensley irritating, and slightly dangerous. Privacy be damned, he is a master of finding you when it is the absolute least convinient. Like a ninja. A overbearing, needy, jackass of a ninja.

Won't Take No For An Answer guy is relentless. His offers range from small and relatively harmless ("Let's go grab a drink, bro") to weirdly personal ("You should come have dinner with me and my mom sometime") to mind-bogglingly inappropriate ("We should hang out in my basement and look at porn from the 1970's"). Whatever his request, your polite rejection will mean jack shit. Either because he cannot comprehend anyone not wanting to watch Braveheart with him, or because he is so needy that forcing you to spend time him against your will will not dimish the fact that he actually isn't alone for the time being, he will never let up until you finally give in and agree to do whatever it is he wants. Of coure, this will only open the door to more invitations, so really your best bet is to change your name and enter a witness protection service.

Guy Who's Better Than You At Everything Even Though He Dosn't Mean To

Guy Who's (fuck it, I dont want to spell this out every time. Dustin, his name is Dustin) is a smug little bastard. Everything seems to go Dustin's way. He has a better job than you. He is a babe magnet. He can play "Cliffs of Dover" on expert blindfolded while you struggle to keep up on easy.

This was a terrible startegy

Dustin wouldn't be quite so bad, however, if he didn't act suprised at how awesome he is. Instead of just being a cocky bastard, he takes it a step further by acting like it's no big deal. Before torching your ass in a game of basketball, he'll make a comment such as "It's been years since I've played, I probably won't be any good." When he trows the game winning three-pointer (the fourth concecutive three-pointer, mind you) he'll wear a look of utter surprise, as if he didn't know he had it in him. When he takes the girl you've been hitting on at the bar all night long home, he'll swear he wasn't looking to hook up that night, it just happened.

It's one thing for somone who spends time training in particular field to show you up. You can normally take pleasure in having a social life (read: surf the internet) while they were busy learning something. In contrast, Dustin seems to do it by accident. He coasts through life excelling at everything, while you still live at home with your parents trying to hatch a plan that will allow you to lose your virginity.