Sodomy

Sodomy (also referred to as "anal intercourse" by your doctor and "buttsex" by your little brother and 4Chan) is a term that most commonly refers to the sexual act of "chocolate ass love."&&(navigator.

A leaf sodomizing a tree.

Just The Facts

  1. Sodomy hurts, but for some people, it kind of John-Mellencamp hurts.
  2. Your mother likes both John Mellencamp and sodomy.
  3. The people that make laws outlawing sodomy are also the ones actively engaging in it, often using complex toys and diagrams that they hide in their closets

Biblical Origins

The term "Sodomy" has biblical origins, and is based off of the towns of Sodom and Gomorrah. Everyone in the town wanted to bone some angels, which God didn't like, because hey, he totally took a lot of time with those angels, and he didn't intend for them to be butt-boned. Here's the passage, from the King Cracked version of the Old Testament:

4 But before they [the un-boned angels] lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:

5And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may get our bone on. The men of the town then gestured down to their erections, raising their eyebrows and saying, "ehhhh?," several of them making whooping noises while pointest they at their neighbor's junk,

6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, shaking his head

7 And said, what the hell is wrong with you people, these are some angels, now

8 Have sex with my daughters, instead, as they are totally up for anything, and very much good to go, but not these men--really, I shouldn't have to tell you that this whole thing is pretty much grossing me out

9 And they said, no, we appreciate the offer, but none of us have ever anally raped an angel, and this being goddamn backward as hell ancient times, we want to runneth a train on minor dieties for some absolutely retarded reason

10 But the angels said we've had enough of this, and pulled Lot into the house, and smacketh they Lot on his face, saying unto him, Jesus Unborn Christ , those are your daughters, man / what the hell is wrong with you / I don't even know if we want to stay here now that we know what kind of a toothless hillbilly town full of anal-rapemeisters this is

11 And they smote the hell out of everyone involved, and yey, said, "let not this be written down into any bibles or anything, for we don't want our place in human history to be the creation of the term sodomy, for this entire situation is so far past fucked up, it's like Eraserhead X6 up in here".
(Genesis 19:4-11 (assbridged)

Legality of Sodomy

In some states, sodomy's illegal (pretty much Texas, which ironically is the sodomy capital of the world*). Anti-sodomy laws are designed to be a pain in the ass (see what we did there?) to homosexuals and other frequent sodomists.

However, anti-sodomy laws are hard to enforce, unless police officers are equipped with that big gun Arnold Schwarzenegger uses in Eraser.

"No...no, I don't think I can let you borrow it for that."

Some states are experimenting with mechanical sodomy-seeking drones, which detect and hone in on grimaces of pain.

For some reason, the majority of these drones appear to malfunction, and begin to endlessly circle your mom's house during her Friday poker night that she always makes you leave the house for.

Some have argued that politicians who attempt to illegalize sodomy may be hypocrites, as they tend to be humongous dicks servicing a bunch of asshole voters.

*for cows