7 Men Straight Men Would Go Gay For
The problem with men is that they're so gosh-darned attractive. As society becomes more and more fem-centric, men are only going to get more attractive. Is it any wonder that every single one of you is gay?
Just The Facts
- Every guy has a secret list of guys he would sleep with if he had a gun to his head
- Realistically, if someone's got a gun to your head, you're probably not going to get much of a choice
- Why don't you just admit you're gay and make this easier on all of us?
The Guys who Guys go Gay for!
Because you, the secretly gay cracked reader demanded it, we present to you the seven guys we would sleep with if we had enough extenuating circumstances to warrant not returning our beer and boobies fan club card.
JOHNNY DEPP
Acknowledged as 'sexiest man alive' more times than you've been acknowledged as a man, Johnny Depp is the reason that ridiculously tight blue jeans were invented. His soft, doleful eyes say "come to bed with me", but his seedy pervert mustache says "bring a large bucket of lube and a roll of electrical tape, you slag."
CHRISTIAN BALE
Chiseled, steely and sexy, Christian Bale has advantages over other attractive men because he is Batman. Not he plays Batman, he is Batman. And who doesn't want to have sex with Batman? Communists, that's who.
SEAN CONNERY
As well as being a former Bond, Connery is a full-time suave bastard. He also seems like the kind of guy you could go for a couple of drinks with and have a few laughs. And then, in the morning, a hearty breakfast and a round of golf, with no mention of the unspeakable things you did to each other the night before.
LENNY KRAVITZ
Fashionable, cool and talented, Lenny encapsulates the best qualities of the average Cracked reader. Is it any wonder you want to bone him, you dog you?
JACKIE CHAN
In his younger days, Jackie was the less insane and frightening counterpart to Bruce Lee in budding homosexual kung fu fantasies. The advantage of having this guy on your arm is that if any of your old high school buddies make a remark about your highlights, Jackie can kick their balls out through their eye sockets.
BRUCE WILLIS
I'd like to crawl through his ventilation shaft, if you get what I mean.
I mean sex.
Ass sex.
BILL GATES
While he's not much to look at, Bill Gates is one of the richest people alive. It really doesn't matter how straight you are, the concept of nigh unlimited spending money and a CPU the size of a garden shed dedicated solely to running World Of Warcraft is going to make anyone consider sucking dick. Especially you.
Because you are gay.
I think I got less turned on the more I scrolled down the list.
ReplyNathan Fillion needs to be on this list!
ReplyI agree with most of these. Not Bill Gates, though; a thousand times, no!
ReplyTechnically, sleeping with another guy wouldn't make you gay. It makes you bisexual.
Replyno, you can sleep with a guy and still be straight, its more complicated than gay, bisexual and straight, look up the kinsey scale
Johnny Depp yes, every other man listed no.
ReplyBill Gates?
Really?
You could have at least thrown in Steve Jobs.
dumbass, Bill has more money.
what about John Barrowman?
ReplyThat's already happened. David Tennant, who is presumably straight, kissed him at a convention. Out of character. Just for the heck of it.
There's a lot of John Barrowman in Jack Harkness, and a lot of Jack Harkness in John Barrowman. There's also some Ianto in there too. And some Ten. And quite possibly some Master. Because John Barrowman is sex on two legs, and we all know it.
Most of these I can see the rhyme and the reason (not a J. Depp fan, decent actor, better looking than dog poop, so I can understand why most people find him attractive, but he doesn't really pluck my string if you know what I mean. I mean my penis), but Lenny Kravitz, Jackie Chan and Bill Gates? WTF!?! First of all, Kravitz is a greasy ass label icon who skates by on his greasy ass label icon image. Ew. Seriously it feels like you just threw him in as an attempt at racial diversity. Don Cheadle, Will Smith, Terrance Howard, Tyrese Gibson any one of these guys out smokes Kravtiz, who's about as hot as wet cabbage. Jackie Chan, really? I mean really? He is f*****g awesome, and can totally rip the spleen out of your body, but that doesn't make him fuckable. In fact quite the opposite... unless you're some kind of deeply disturbed masochist. Bill Gates, come to think of it depending on the price, and the number of times I'd have to re-boot his hard drive per week, I could live with Bill Gates, but I'd need to be able to have fun with my Mac on the side.
Replythis.. was awesome XD
david bowie, anyone?
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies*raises hand*
Perhaps Freddie Mercury as well? I smell a threesome.
And that's were Kesha came from. David Bowie, Freddie Mercury and the guy from New York dolls. That's were the suck is from.
Wayyy too many awesome lines in here to quote!! Excellent work; it had me laughing the whole way through!
Replyi am gay and would love to be boned by any of these guys lol. although you are right, bill gates's money would make me think twice about choosing any of the others.
ReplyI'm gay so is there a 7 women gay men would go straight for? The first chart was also funny and slighty true.
ReplyNo, it means you got greedy and went beyond the limit of seven.
Hehe! This is great!
Reply