7 Men Straight Men Would Go Gay For

The problem with men is that they're so gosh-darned attractive. As society becomes more and more fem-centric, men are only going to get more attractive. Is it any wonder that every single one of you is gay?

How gay are you? Very? Super very?

Just The Facts

  1. Every guy has a secret list of guys he would sleep with if he had a gun to his head
  2. Realistically, if someone's got a gun to your head, you're probably not going to get much of a choice
  3. Why don't you just admit you're gay and make this easier on all of us?

The Guys who Guys go Gay for!

Because you, the secretly gay cracked reader demanded it, we present to you the seven guys we would sleep with if we had enough extenuating circumstances to warrant not returning our beer and boobies fan club card.

JOHNNY DEPP

Acknowledged as 'sexiest man alive' more times than you've been acknowledged as a man, Johnny Depp is the reason that ridiculously tight blue jeans were invented. His soft, doleful eyes say "come to bed with me", but his seedy pervert mustache says "bring a large bucket of lube and a roll of electrical tape, you slag."

CHRISTIAN BALE

Chiseled, steely and sexy, Christian Bale has advantages over other attractive men because he is Batman. Not he plays Batman, he is Batman. And who doesn't want to have sex with Batman? Communists, that's who.

SEAN CONNERY

As well as being a former Bond, Connery is a full-time suave bastard. He also seems like the kind of guy you could go for a couple of drinks with and have a few laughs. And then, in the morning, a hearty breakfast and a round of golf, with no mention of the unspeakable things you did to each other the night before.

LENNY KRAVITZ

Fashionable, cool and talented, Lenny encapsulates the best qualities of the average Cracked reader. Is it any wonder you want to bone him, you dog you?

JACKIE CHAN

In his younger days, Jackie was the less insane and frightening counterpart to Bruce Lee in budding homosexual kung fu fantasies. The advantage of having this guy on your arm is that if any of your old high school buddies make a remark about your highlights, Jackie can kick their balls out through their eye sockets.

BRUCE WILLIS

I'd like to crawl through his ventilation shaft, if you get what I mean.

I mean sex.

Ass sex.

BILL GATES

While he's not much to look at, Bill Gates is one of the richest people alive. It really doesn't matter how straight you are, the concept of nigh unlimited spending money and a CPU the size of a garden shed dedicated solely to running World Of Warcraft is going to make anyone consider sucking dick. Especially you.

Because you are gay.