Middle Aged White Guys

Need a villain /lackey /butt of every joke for your book, script, show, or commercial? Scared that anti-defamation leagues and advocacy groups will be coming for you if you choose wrongly? Solution: The Middle Aged White Guy!

Just The Facts

  1. Middle Age White Guys are the last demographic without some sort of advocacy group.
  2. Everyone knows at least one jerk Middle Aged White Guy they can associate evil with.
  3. You don't have to feel bad about Middle Aged White Guys being your foil/butt/butt of every joke since it is balanced out by them having all the power in the world.
  4. Seriously, the Middle Aged White Guy is keeping you/women/minorities/teens down. This is payback time.

Cracked on Middle Aged White Guys

Villains: Every good story/movie/comic needs one to make the story worthwhile. But it could be someone disturbing if someone walks in mid-show (or picks up mid-comic) and finds the super attractive hero punching a person of color or a woman right in the face. Hopefully that would make most of us stop for a minute and say, "what's going on here?" If not, there must be something wrong with you. In a world where literally anything could be taken out of context at the drop of a hat, producers/writers/casting directors have to be very conscious of every choice they make.

At the same time, so much of humor is built upon making fun of someone. It seems someone has to be the butt of every joke, right? So it's only natural that in a genre like commercials where you have about 20 seconds before the logo is splashed across the screen that a quick unoriginal joke where one character comes off as an idiot is going to dominate. That said, how do you think they go about picking who to be the idiot?

The Butt/Butt of the Joke Should meet at least three of these demands...

1) Look as if they are powerful. This means we will believe them as a villain, and also that we will get more enjoyment from the humor of knocking them down a bit by making them the butt of a joke.

2) Not have been the victim of decades of repression. It's just hard to root against for the guy who's been kicked down by society for so many years. Also, laugh a bit too hard about someone making fun of a minority and people will start to ask questions (just ask Chris Rock why he changed his comedy stylings a few years back).

3) Not be a woman. The treatment of women by popular culture has come so far in just a few decades that it would be a major step back for them to be portrayed as evil shrews or bubbly idiots like they were always portrayed in the 70's and 80's.

4) Should not be young. Remember the key demographic everyone is trying to get is that 18-35 year old demographic. This is because they are the key moviegoers and the idiots who buy shit nobody really needs (like exercise equipment that lets you do push-ups and pull-ups you could do on your own without the $90 equipment). Movie going 18 year olds have bought into the fact that they are the oppressed heroes of their own lives, the last thing they would do would be root for a Middle Aged Man to overcome the technology savvy Teen.

From Top (Clockwise) A Perfect Villan, A Perfect Butt of a Joke, and What Intern Kelly Insists is a Perfect Villan With A Perfect Butt.

M.A.W.G. as the butt of the joke: The Sonic Commercials

Ever seen a Sonic commercial? Standard set up... two people in the car, one person is the straight guy (which can be a girl or even a homosexual male, this phrase is used in a comedic sense, that is to say that they set up the joke) and the other is going to be the butt of the joke. Guess who's the butt of the joke?

But even in the category of "Sonic Commercials there's a few different spins on how you make the Middle Aged White Guy the butt of the jokes. We call these...

1) Behind Every Great Man There's A Great Woman... who has to do everything for her useless man-child of a husband, observe:

See, how would that man-child ever survive without a smart woman to drag his sorry butt through life. Hell, lets be honest here, the only non-white middle aged man on TV who gets treated that bad by his wife is Jon from the popular show "Jon & Kate plus Eight get divorced" on TLC

2) The Cuckholded Hubby

Since he's such a man-child he couldn't possibly satisfy his wifes needs, but guess who could? Anyone who's not a Middle Aged White Guy. Seriously, this could only be more obvious if they named the meteorologist "Jerome Johnson" or "Pablo Torres." As is, Dewayne Twill is left open only slightly to debate.

3) Even when the setup is two men in the car.... It's probably smart to broaden your demographic base by hinting at a homosexual relationship, but the laws of Sonic commercial humor requires one of the two guys has to be the butt of the joke... and it sure as hell isn't going to be the slightly more "ethnic" looking one, is it?

M.A.W.G. as the villan: Brinks Home Security

You know, it must suck to have to write and produce commercials that basically promote a product based on fear. The writers of home security service commercials have the added trap of trying to figure out whom to make the villain. But don't worry; here comes Middle Aged White Guy to the rescue (and by "rescue" we mean playing the thug who's breaking in and thus threatening the lives of the pretty little single mother and her adorable kids).

Bonus points! This dude is even bald so as to provide a much-needed link to neo-nazism. Just like how the villains in Tom Clancy's "Sum of All Fears" were changed from Islamic radicals to Neo-Nazis for the 2002 movie adaptation, this guy just reeks of purely contrived evil laid on nice and thick.

Every other Brinks Home Security Ad features pretty much the same setup and only the victims change. Statistically White People commit 2 out of every 3 burglaries, but one of those 2 is someone younger then the Middle Aged White Guy. So to be fair Brinks should run commercials in the following pattern featuring these burglars: Young White Guy, Middle Aged White Guy, Black Guy... repeat pattern 34 times then throw in one with a Asian/Pacific Burglar, then repeat whole process. But let's be honest, they don't let Asians on TV in any role that isn't as a super smart sidekick or a menial services provider.

Right Guys?

"We All Agwee Veraly Veraly Much... And Think You for Your Tiny Bit Roles Despite Our Soon Becoming the Largest Nationality On the Earth." (Not Pictured: Every Taxi Driver On A TV Show Since 1990)

M.A.W.G. Cannot Outsmart Young Guy: The Entire Marketing Plan of Apple Computers

Like we said earlier, the key demographic is young males 18-35 who buy shit to a) impress girls, b) differentiate themselves from their parents, or c) both.

Thus, we present: "Hip Young Guy Outsmarts Crumudgeonly Middle Aged White Guy Theater"

Oh Dear God. They also have all the ingredients necessary for really bad Youtube knockoffs, don't they? They're short, they don't require much graphics, they don't require any special acting ability... damn we bet these get knocked off a lot, don't they? Speaking of which, here's one that kind of pisses all over the wonderful humor of Mr. Bean