Mosh Pits

Mosh pits are the big group of men, women, and bulldozers that form a large circle, and shove each other around for fifteen minutes. Kind of like Thanksgiving at Chuck Norris' house, only Steven Seagal ate all the syringed steroids.

This man is about to enter a mosh pit.

Not Pictured: Boredom.

Just The Facts

  1. Mosh Pits were invented by skinheads. I know, awesome right?
  2. Remember that time you got caught tossing your kittens in your room by your mom and she helped you finish? That's not what it's like in a mosh pit.
  3. Mosh pits and hardcore dancing are two different things. I mean, if you like getting fisted in the ass, by all means, hardcore dance.
  4. When in a pit, always help the fellow mosher you knocked on his ass. It's only common manners.
  5. Moshing is a good way to get friends, long lost siblings, and the occasional stabbing.

People

People watching is one of the first things you do in your first time real mosh pit (Jonas Brothers and Fall Out Boy pits are not pits, but the gaping anus of Satan.) You will thoroughly enjoy this event, as it is almost like watching the running of the bulls.

The Bulldozer

Ah the bulldozer. Trampling in at a minimum of 250 lbs., these boys know how to work it. They knock down everyone in sight, and if they are following the proper etiquitte, they will help everyone back up. On the (non)rare occasion, the bulldozer will be drunk off his ass. This may pose as a problem for those who wanted to start out in a "soft" pit.

"That Guy"

Yes, even in mosh pits, there is "that guy". The guy who is more inebriated than the office whore at the Christmas party last year. Oh yeah, baby, throw up all over my lap... We forgot. That never happened.

"That Guy" is usually trying to impress his friends, who are seemingly not there at the moment, and as he is wildly thrashing about, you see his tears running down his face and the piss pouring down his pants. That's pretty much normal.

There are many other people at concerts, but fuck if i'm going to tell you ALL of them. I don't even like you guys.

The Wall of Death

It is time. The epitomy of concert going. The Wall of Death.

The Wall of Death is setup usually by the lead singer.
He/she tells his/her (not really her) followers to form two "walls" to and leave some running space between. This is normally before the beginning of a song, so when the song starts, the two crowds will run at each other like an army of battle-ready spider monkeys willing to kill the nearest living thing.

The silence before the Wall of Death eruption is commonly referred to as "the fuck silence", as you can hear Jackie Chan fucking every asian girl in Asia. In Asian vision, of course. Asia.

Some songs that commonly use the Wall of Death are Black Label by Lamb of God and I Sold Myself by Caliban.

Drugs

Drugs are a large part of mosh pits. To many people, drugs fuel their enraged explosive enebriation of everything. PCP MAN. PCP.

Crowd Surfing/Diving

Crowd surfers are the people who get a bunch of people to lift them up and let the crowd carry them to the front. This can cause many forms of pain and enjoyment, especially when women get lifted.

Crowd divers are the one true saviors of the concerts. They have the absolute largest testicles in the 5 mile radius. First, they run past/over bouncers to the stage. Then, in their 5 seconds of fame, they raise their hands in triumph before taking a running jump over the bouncers into the crowd again. a moment this person will never forget.