5 Reasons Why Alfred Is The Most Badass Butler Ever

Sure, Alfred has always been there for witty banter and doing the bat-laundry, but ever notice how bad-ass he really is?

I think his record speaks for itself.

I'm here to serve tea and kick ass. You got lucky this time.

Just The Facts

  1. Alfred's full name is Alfred Thaddeus Crane Pennywort.
  2. He has taken care of Bruce Wayne Bruce's entire life.
  3. You fucking wish you had a butler like him.

5 He's friends with Lucious Fox.

Besides just having a kick-ass name, Mr. Fox is smart as a motherfuck. He provides Batman with all of his gear, and is able to synthesize vaccines to weaponized hallucinogens in mere hours. And you know who he chills with? Alfred fuckin' Pennyworth. They are on a first name basis and shit.

4 Alfred is smarter than all of us.

Who is it that always gives Batman his guidance? Alfred. Think about it. In "The Dark Knight" Alfred tells Bruce that he shouldn't reveal himself. He told him how he should just endure, and make the right choices, whether people like him for it or not. He is wiser than we can say.

Still not convinced? Remember it was Alfred who figured out what the Joker was all about. He told Batman that this man couldn't be reasoned with, because he wasn't after anything logical. And later on, when the Joker was talking to Harvey Dent in the hospital, what does he say? That he's, "a dog chasing cars". BAM! Two points for Alfred.

3 Alfred has saved Batman, multiple times.

How many people has Batman saved? Shit ton, right? Now how many people have saved Batman? I can think of 2 off the top of my head, and Gordon had to pretend he was dead first.

He did it the easy way.

Yes, he took the easy way.

Alfred on the other hand has both picked up a smoldering Batman from the narrows, and cracked a henchmen upside the head with a golf club. Some may argue that the second one didn't count, because he made Bruce push the log off himself, and to them I say, fuck you, I'm writing this. Shit totally counts.

2 Alfred was in the S.A.S.

According to my sources, Alfred served in the S.A.S. until his mid twenties.

yea, they hang

The S.A.S. is known for being amazing at counter-terrorism operations, training foreign militaries, stopping coups before they start, and general badassery. So why is this not at the top of my list? Well, there's at least one more thing.

1 He's a fuckin' merc.

Think about it. Remember the scene in the Dark Knight where Alfred is telling Bruce about the bandit he was trying to catch? Well, did he say "my unit was deployed..." or "I was assigned to...", or any typical military terms? No! He says, "a long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government."

That's right, his "friends" and he were "working for the local government", sounds like some blackwater shit to me.