US Army

Most Powerful Army in the World.

Plagiarism: An American Tradition

Just Like a SEC School, the US Army loads its schedule with cupcake matches around two decent opponents.

Just The Facts

  1. Largest branch in the Department of Defense.
  2. Consist of Active Duty, Reserve, and National Guard.
  3. Total strength of 1,090,000+

Cracked on the US Army

We here at cracked don't normally judge people based on their career stats. A perfect example would be how Cher has lots of number one songs but still basically sucks ass. However, when it comes to sports teams and players you have to go by the stats to judge their ranking. With that in mind, lets look at how the US record compares to other great records.

UCLA Basketball 1971-1973 60-0

1972 Miami Dolphins 17-0

1970 Brazil World Cup Champions 13-0 (including qualifiers)

2003/04 Arsenal 26-12-0

2007/08 New England Patriots 18-1

US Army 11-1-1

Still, that's not a bad record. Just ask France The Detroit Lions.

Awesomeness of the US Army

A Checklist for awesomeness:

Best military force in the world? Check

Best Defacto Police Force in the world? Check

Best institution for rebuilding broken nations? Check

Best engineering corps in the world? Uhm... no. Not really.

New Orleans Levee, Not the US Army's Greatest Achievement


Unlike the Marines where sense of unity is focus on the Corps as a whole, an Army soldier's sense of unity usually focus more on the division they serve (101st, 82nd, etc). When people say that soldiers fight for Mom, baseball, and Apple Pie, they are full of shit. Soldiers fight for the lives of their fellow soldiers in their division or even smaller units. Nobody ever jumped on a granade to save an apple pie.

Things NOT Worth Dying For


Stylish, simple, and sleek. The army did a good job with thier logo. Here's the rejected versions that never made it out of the focus group sessions:

Too Punk.

Too Nazi-like

Too High School-Cheerleaderish

Too Gay.