Sony PS3
The Playstation 3 is Sony's next generation gaming console. It was envisioned to be a complete multimedia entertainment system, cure cancer, and let you have sex with half of the Victoria's Secret lingerie models (the hotter half, mind you).
Just The Facts
- Apparently, the Cell processor, while being a marvel of computing technology, doesn't really make games anymore fun.
- Sony's brilliant marketing scheme involved selling the PS3 for about 200 dollars less than it cost to make it, resulting in a loss of 1.97 billion US$ in the 2007 fiscal year.
- The Cell processor is made with Unicorn Horn (sources needed).
Cracked on Sony PS3
For those of you not clever enough, or just too high to work it out, the third fact is untrue. Plus, why would they use a unicorn anyway? Those things are so fucking cool. Use a drop bear instead.
Unicorn after Sony is done with it (much less cool).
Sony is feeding all the dead, hornless unicorns to this fucker!
Cracked Still on the Sony PS3
While Unicorn horn may not be present in the Cell processor, a very rare metal is indeed present. It's called Coltan, and the refined form is known as Tantalum. It's found in mines in the DRC. Strangely enough though, it seems that the Rwandan military oversees the mining operations. Next you may think "Well who does the mining?" The standard answer would be workers being paid a good sum of money to risk their lives on a daily basis. But no, this was not badass enough for the Rwandan military, so instead they use FUCKING PRISONERS OF WAR (also orphans)! This serves two purposes: it gets the mining done, and it ensures nobody fucks with Rwanda anymore! Now on to the marketing strategy, Sony has indeed said that it sells the PS3 for $200 less than it takes to manufacture. What's incredible about this is people still complain about it being expensive. If anything they should charge MORE, perhaps $201 so they can turn a small profit. That money could go to those orphans who work the mines.
Update: PS3 Slim is now out, and they brought the price down to $299 (which means a lot of you will need to find something else to bitch about; perhaps the lack of the glossy finish or something). And in an incredible move, Microsoft became a *GASP* follower, and cut the price of the 360. It seems like they could've at least waited a little bit, you know for appearances sake.
So let's evaluate the marketing strategy: A) Super-rare metal found only in Africa requiring the labor of children and POW's? Check. B) Selling it for less than manufacturing costs, ignoring all the rules of business? Check. C) One of the creepiest fucking ads ever shown? Check. Was this campaign spearheaded by a fucking Xbox 360 spokesperson? It's like the entire project was designed so Sony WOULDN'T sell anything
Well despite all of the shitty planning, marketing, and execution, the PS3 still makes an excellent game system. Just know that people fucking DIED so you could kill aliens (not in Halo though because Bungie is a total bitch).
Noone makes money off of the consoles themselves,they make money on the games.The PS3 just loses a lot more money than others.
ReplyThe topic about the PS3 is the only one out of the topics on current-gen gaming platforms that
-Actually exists
-Is funny
-And contains coherent lexicon and grammar.Telling,isn't it?
Sega Dreamcast > PS3 > > > > > > > > > X-anything.
ReplyPS3 sucks but the Xbox is the best!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou accidentally put Xbox where PS3 is and PS3 where Xbox is, but I forgive you.
Funny, on the topic for the Xbox 360 someone said that the Xbox 360 sucks and ps3 is the best. I'm going to go check the comments section of the Wii topic.
Vectrex is the best.
Also PS3's don't get red rings of death. Well the new Xbox 360's don't either but its still a valid jab.
ReplyWow. 200 less than they sell for? To be fair to Sony, they must be thinking to make all their money on the software. Unfortunately, they don't really have a lot of exclusives (i'm not bashing - I in fact have and enjoy the ps3, but I'm speaking business-wise). But hey, at least they have standards, like not charging extra for the online-play (now I'm bashing, but not the ps3.)
ReplyActually, PS3 has more exclusives. Most games that are considered 360 exclusives aren't actually so since they are also on PC. Regardless of that though, I'm pretty sure that PS3 exclusives generally are bought more, and are typically reviewed better (at least according to Metacritic for the latter)
everytime i kill a black guy in a game now i'm gonna chuckle, knowing that a real one probably died to let me do that.
Replythat'll be rare because most of the games where you do kill people, they turn out to be white.......
Frankly the lesson learned is that all electronics are s**t and will break down just to piss you off.
ReplySeriously, could it be more obvious that Sony is bribing you to write this? You people try and fail to make fun of a good show like "Supernatural" and then go easy on the PS3 which deserves to be bashed. Instead you insult your readers who hate the thing. Not that the PS3 didn't have potential or isn't recovering, but their old adds are creepy, their recent adds are insulting, they didn't have enough good exclusives to make a top ten countdown out of, their competitors are raping the crap out of them, and now they have to bribe internet comedians to not make fun of their shit. Maybe they should have been more like Microsoft and not tried to use a technology that costs so much to make yet barely improves the graphics and does nothing for load timed. In fact, PS3 ports tend to be more glitchy than ones made to the 360. Oh nevermind do I really ave to say all this? Is it that hard to make a funny article unfairly dissing the PS3?
Reply Hide All See All 8 Replies1. you have a penis on your head
2. ps3 may have glitchy ports, but they don't a have a certain red ring of death
3. you have a penis on your head
4. there is barely any loading time on any game i have besides the installation of the larger games
5. you have a penis on your head
I f**k your arse.
Believe me I wish Sony was paying me to write this. If they were, I'd be having hooker and cocaine parties right now instead of replying to your comment now wouldn't I?
I bet Microsoft paid you to say that.
Dude... why the f**k would Sony pay some random dude on Cracked to not insult them? We've got plenty of people around to do that for free, namely you.
The PS3 has a good enough fan base and they don't need to pay anyone for it.. And what games have you played on the PS3? I don't see anything wrong with the load times.
If that's ALL you have to complain about the PS3 then it isn't so bad is it? I could write a 5 page essay detailing everything that's wrong with the Xbox 360.
Although this article IS boring, and is in NO way funny..
You are a retard, have fun playing on Xbox live, unlike you, I don't have to pay for the better PSN. You might want to research the PS3, because I own a PS3 and owned a 360, the 360 was awful, getting the RROD 5 times, finally I returned it and with my refund I bought 10 Ps3 BLUERAY games.
Burn in hell
Shai Halud obviously didn't understand the concept of topics at the time of writing, since he seems to think that Cracked staff are writing them all.
News flash: Sony doesn't give a shit.
What the f**k is this? Seriously? Cracked needs to put in some kind of system where if they take a look at topic pages like this and see them for the pieces of s**t that they are, then they can take them down and let other people re-do them and make them better.
Replyi support this.
Take a look at the 360 and Wii topics.Oh,and the PC one exists,but not really.
this article sucked ass. not the subject, the content, just like rl
ReplySelling consoles for less than it takes to make them is a standard practice for console makers. They make their money by selling licenses to game producers to make games on their console. Of course game producers having to make up the difference kind of explains why there was never a huge rush to develop games for the PS3. You would still have to buy (much) more than $200 worth of games for Sony and the game producers to be happy. While many of you love the PS3; and I personally don't care either way if it's a piece of s**t or the second coming of Jesus, apart from that, this was a terrible business strategy on Sony's part. It just lacked foresight.
Replya drop bear joke? really?
ReplyI was being sarcastic, actually. And wouldn't it be more fitting to update this thing now they have good advertisements (outside of Japan, anyway) and the price is exactly the same as the 360, and being sold at a profit?
Replysony has the creepy baby as their marketing head.
ReplyThe best things in life do...
ps3 muthafuckassss! my favourite, i dnt know why.. its just an awesome system
ReplyNeeds more mention of how completely f*****g awesome Killzone 2 is, but otherwise very good
ReplyKillzone 2 was good, but I didn't find it completely awesome because I felt like it got kinda repetitive. You're entitled to your own opinion though. Thanks for the compliment on the topic!
WTF? Sony really WTF?
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesf**k you
how about we stop the arguing...and stop the f*****g
You suck. Your article sucks. Your picture makes you out to be nothing more than a douchebag.
You must be a douchebag. Your article and picture say so.
thats a sexy ass article kyle.
ReplyI'd try writing it, but I'm a huge fanboy, so it'd probably be not nearly impartial enough.
ReplyImpartial equals boring. For example: CNN.