Sony PS3

The Playstation 3 is Sony's next generation gaming console. It was envisioned to be a complete multimedia entertainment system, cure cancer, and let you have sex with half of the Victoria's Secret lingerie models (the hotter half, mind you).

This is a Playstation 3 (The Victoria's Secret models are all hiding behind the PS3).

This is NOT a Playstation 3. Seriously, if someone offers to sell this to you, politely decline.

Just The Facts

  1. Apparently, the Cell processor, while being a marvel of computing technology, doesn't really make games anymore fun.
  2. Sony's brilliant marketing scheme involved selling the PS3 for about 200 dollars less than it cost to make it, resulting in a loss of 1.97 billion US$ in the 2007 fiscal year.
  3. The Cell processor is made with Unicorn Horn (sources needed).

Cracked on Sony PS3

For those of you not clever enough, or just too high to work it out, the third fact is untrue. Plus, why would they use a unicorn anyway? Those things are so fucking cool. Use a drop bear instead.

Unicorn after Sony is done with it (much less cool).

Not Real

Sony is feeding all the dead, hornless unicorns to this fucker!

Cracked Still on the Sony PS3

While Unicorn horn may not be present in the Cell processor, a very rare metal is indeed present. It's called Coltan, and the refined form is known as Tantalum. It's found in mines in the DRC. Strangely enough though, it seems that the Rwandan military oversees the mining operations. Next you may think "Well who does the mining?" The standard answer would be workers being paid a good sum of money to risk their lives on a daily basis. But no, this was not badass enough for the Rwandan military, so instead they use FUCKING PRISONERS OF WAR (also orphans)! This serves two purposes: it gets the mining done, and it ensures nobody fucks with Rwanda anymore! Now on to the marketing strategy, Sony has indeed said that it sells the PS3 for $200 less than it takes to manufacture. What's incredible about this is people still complain about it being expensive. If anything they should charge MORE, perhaps $201 so they can turn a small profit. That money could go to those orphans who work the mines.

Update: PS3 Slim is now out, and they brought the price down to $299 (which means a lot of you will need to find something else to bitch about; perhaps the lack of the glossy finish or something). And in an incredible move, Microsoft became a *GASP* follower, and cut the price of the 360. It seems like they could've at least waited a little bit, you know for appearances sake.

So let's evaluate the marketing strategy: A) Super-rare metal found only in Africa requiring the labor of children and POW's? Check. B) Selling it for less than manufacturing costs, ignoring all the rules of business? Check. C) One of the creepiest fucking ads ever shown? Check. Was this campaign spearheaded by a fucking Xbox 360 spokesperson? It's like the entire project was designed so Sony WOULDN'T sell anything

Well despite all of the shitty planning, marketing, and execution, the PS3 still makes an excellent game system. Just know that people fucking DIED so you could kill aliens (not in Halo though because Bungie is a total bitch).