Teachers

Teachers get paid in foodstamps and moonlight as bartenders to afford a studio walkup on the 30th floor. Why anyone chooses this profession willingly is a mystery.

A Brief History of Teaching

1700's: teachers are young guys who don't feel like getting a real job, so they just hang around some kids all day, shooting the shit. No one paid them, so all they could hope for was to sponge free ale and meals from their students' parents. When harvest season came, they ditched teaching for the more lucrative and high-status positions like potato picker, and cowshit spreader.


Featured: Typical American teacher, circa 1720.

1800's: Sick of seeing their male counterparts get all the glory and hot snatch teaching brings, women begin to enter the teaching profession in droves. They still don't get paid, but that's okay, because their husbands took care of the little women anyway. It was sooooooooo cute to see their ladies, trying to do a job no one wanted anyway! Awwwwww!

The only downside to women experiencing the newfound joy of having a career of their own was the shame of having to resign if they found themselves "in the family way". No one wanted a married woman showing her new shape to impressionable children. Whore.


"Teach me to be a whore like you, Mrs. Henderson!"

Early 1900's: Teaching is now seen as a natural extension of child-rearing. Women are still able to teach little kiddies their letters and numbers, and hand off the job to the next slut-in waiting when they got knocked up. However, no one takes this 'educational system' seriously, until the phenomenon of high school gets introduced. Of course, to handle the important subjects, male teachers are brought in. Sluts and sluts-in-waiting were not allowed.


Featured: a common early 20th century street sign for the elementary school district area.

Late 1900's: women are eventually allowed to teach high school because some guy (probably while drunk) gave women the right to vote and be considered as "people". Given that, the first thing women did was bust out of their homes in droves to get teaching jobs, leaving countless husbands hungry and their clothes dirty. But, just to make sure the little ladies didn't fuck up the seriousness of high school education, the government decided to save the dumb women from themselves by creating teacherproof curriculum. So, all the pretty ladies had to do was show up, open a book, read from it for an hour, and repeat as necessary for the rest of the day's classes.

That's what the government thought of teachers: automatons who regurgitate some higher being's knowledge from a script to make sure they don't fuck it up by thinking or speaking independently.


Featured: teacher and government.

Teachers: A Modern Perspective

Teachers today are a diverse group of people from both sexes and all races and creeds. However, they all share the same challenges: they are at the mercy of the little shits they teach; the actual work day is close to 12 hours long, and the threat of violence against teachers just for doing their damn job is always present.

But hey, if you can just reach reach one child... how does the rest of that saying go?

Oh, yeah:

If you can reach just one child, back away! Don't get within grabbing reach of any of those little fuckers. They'll tear your eyes out just to film it on their phone and post it to Youtube.