If you havent seen the Berserk anime, or read the corresponding manga chapters, do not read this. Major spoilers ahead.If you haven't seen this yet leave the room. Ok are they gone? Is it just us Berserk fans? Ok let's get started on Miura's Berserk.
All this topic will be covering is the 25 episodes of the anime. If you want to continue on with the story, go buy the manga you lazy bastards. There are two things at the beginning of every episode. One being God spouting off philisophical shit. The second will be the Engrish opening, and oh what wonderful Engrish it is.
The story starts with our hero Guts, he meets a band of mercenaries called the Hawks. They are led by Griffith, probably the most badass homosexual to live in the last eternity. Now I'm not saying that it is heavily implied that Griffith is gay but... well, he and Guts did have a splash fight while Griffith was naked. I'm not making that up folks. They had a splash fight, outdoors where everyone could see them. Seriously.
Guts is probably the most badass character in the history of ever. He started being awesome before he was born, surviving in a FUCKING CORPSE. His mother was killed, but baby Guts lived inside his dead mother's body until a passing group of Mercenary's picked him up. His adopted mother died when he was very young, and his father turned abusive. One day his father attempted to kill him out of a fit of rage, and Guts stabbed him to death with his own sword. He ran away and lived on his own for a while, always wandering. The only explanation I have for him using that bigass buster sword is that he used swords that were bigger than he was all his life, using adult swords when he was a child and just kind of scaling up. Or it could just be his awesome testosterone fueled manliness.
So Guts joins up with the Hawks, who are in the middle of helping a kingdom through a war. He fights many battles with them, gaining the friendship and loyalty of the Hawks. I would say that he's a very skilled swordsman, as he cuts down hundreds of men every single battle, but as soon as he faces on big baddy instead of faceless cannon fodder, he gets his ASS KICKED. The only way I figure this working, is that every soldier is an inept dumbass who sits there and let's the Hawks cut them down. This is what I like to call Dynasty Warriors syndrome.
After several years of fighting, the enemy king is killed and everyone is happy and everything is wonderful. Then Guts leaves and Griffith slips one to the king's daughter before they are married. The maid sees what he did and as premarital sex is illegal in the Berserk universe, Griffith is put in prison, starved, tortured and has his GODDAMN TONGUE CUT OUT. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with that kingdom? "Oh yeah thanks for saving us! Wait what? YOU PORKED MY DAUGHTER BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED IN LIKE TWO DAYS?! MUTINY! KILL HIM!"
So the Hawks find Guts and inform him of what happened. They go and break Griffith out of prison and are leave for another kingdom. All of a sudden they are transported to Hell. Griffith is encased in a shell of bones and is being turned into a demon, by his own choice. All of the Hawks are marked as offerings to turn Griffith into a monster. The demons of hell then commence to murder all the Hawks.
So then Guts starts kicking some nameless demon ass. He saves all his friends and breaks Griffith out of the casing of dead people and everything is fine and there are puppies and kittens and rainbows. Nah, I'm just yanking your chain. Everyone dies, spare Guts and Casca. Everyone else gets devoured by demons. Casca, the sole female soldier of the Hawks gets tentacle raped. Guts starts murdering everything that moves with pieces of other things that used to move. As Casca, naked and being held in the air by tentacle monsters is about to be raped (again), Griffith in his new demon form emerges and embraces Casca. Sitting there like some sick fucker and making Guts watch him rape Casca, as Guts has his arm trapped in a demon's mouth. Guts starts stabbing the demon holding him in the face until the sword breaks. He then uses the broken stump of the sword to CUT OFF HIS OWN FUCKING ARM. With a broken sword. Holy shit. He charges at Demon Griffith but is trapped underneath a giant bird demon thing, losing an eye in the process. He sits there shaking with fury as Griffith rapes Casca and.... that's it. It's over. Everyone dies. The. Fucking. End.
Sleep tight everyone.