Hiro Nakamura

Hiro Nakamura, sucking at his job since 2006.

This isn't actually from the show, it's a group of costumed nerds rioting against Masi Oka after the

Just The Facts

  1. Despite the fact that he can stop time and teleport, he has repetedly failed to use his power effectively.
  2. Time travel is widely regarded as the easiest way to turn your story into a clusterfuck of untold proportions. No series has demonstrated this more so than Heroes.
  3. Hiro Nakamura is one of the series 15 or so main characters, and despite his invincibility, and grating speeches. He is still only the second least likeable character on the show.

Season 1

Heroes was created back in 2006 by Tim Kring, who had at no point in his life prior to the show actually read a comic, or even been into the whole superhero scene. This would leave him free to avoid the pitfalls that plague the comic book scene, and lend him a fresh perspective to superhero storytelling that others lacked. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

So did this.

The show started off innocently enough. The concept was still relatively fresh for primetime, and the plot advanced in such a way that it distracted from the shitty acting, and the atrocious dialogue.

For those who think I'm being to harsh, consider Exhibit A.

Mohinder Suresh, widely regarded by many as the least likeable Heroes character, served as a constant source of irritation with his ham fisted acting, dreadful dialogue, hokey science bullshit, and appalingly unbelievable fake accent.

Heroes also posessed one of the least likeable main characters in history, and in a show where at least 3 people can vie for that title, that's saying something.

Please, don't punch that expensive computer screen.

Male nurse, Peter Petrelli was known for his ability to absorb other peoples powers based on being within 5 feet of them, as well as his birth ability of being able to annoy every las person on the face of the planet. By the end of the season, he had developed invincibility, space time manipulation, super strength, flight, and at least 175 other powers people are still not caring about, because by that point, he's basically a God.

Heroes creator, Tim Kring, has apparently failed to realise that a wimpy emo douchster with unlimited power doesn't exactly make for the most relateable main character.

Pictured: Slightly more manly than Peter Petrelli

Still, people kept watching, but there was always a problem. The tiny, Japanese elephant in the room, so to speak.

Must... punch... face....

Hiro Nakamura, while outwardly likeable, was still widely hated by people with working brain functions for having the ability to control space and time, yet failing repetedly to make use of it in useful ways. He was given multiple oppurtunities to pause time, and decapitate the superpowered serial killer, Sylar, yet repetedly neglected these attempts until the last minute at the end of the series. Even though he was responsible for the deaths of 5 million people, and Sylar killed his girlfriend.

Did I mention he neglected to pause time when he stabbed Sylar at the end, and failed to go for a headshot.

Despite all this, Heroes still had yet to take a turn for the worst, and utterly ruin every single shred of its crediblity.

Season 2

It was bad, quite possibly the worst season of telivision to befall an otherwise promising concept since the last two season of The X-Files. And as bad as people thought it was upon first glance, the reality was much worse.

As for those who hated Mohinder, he became a blessed source of relief when compared to the even greater dread on the show. The great Latina rash on the crotch of the show so to speak. Also know as Exhibit B.

Pictured: Exhibit B

Maya and Alejandro were widely panned by fans of the series for being tedious, one dimensional characters who couldn't act their way out of a fajita, and were slightly less plesant to stomach than Latin American water. It didn't help that they were featured in every single episode, and at the same time contributed absolutely nothing to the story.

The only thing that kept people from spontaneously vomiting every time they appeared on screne was the sheer fact that the awesome Sylar, played by Zachary Quito, accompanied them on their journey. However, that still doesn't make up for the fact that he inexplicably survived this.

As for our eponymous Hiro, he unfortunately wound up in Feudal Japan, thus creating a disaster of unmitigated proportions.

Pictured: Heroes Plot

For one, how can you end up in Feudal Japan when you accidentaly travel back in time while in New York? If you travel backwards through time and space. Why wouldn't you just wind up caught between two solid objects? Why wouldn't you be stranded in the middle of the ocean? Second, if he traveled back that far in time, how come nothing changes when he gets back home? And if he's accidentally made the mistake of heading back to Japan, why not travel back righ away?

Also, in the span of just one season, Tim Kring has decided that it would be far more interested if the main villian of the series went from this guy...

Pictured: Awesome

...to some dipshit who came in 5th place in a Dookie Howser lookalike contest.

Pictured: GQ Mode, aka, not awesome.l

Also, he was inexplicably in Feudal Japan with Hiro, and Hiro's actions turned him into a villian. Why was a white guy in Feudal Japan? How did he get to Feudal Japan? Why does it even have to be a white guy? Were you out of Japanese actors? Couldn't you at least spare a Chinese actor?

The sole redeeming grace of the second season of Heroes was that, thanks to the writers strike, the series length was cut from 24 episodes to a far more merciful, but still painful, 13.

Has it been mentioned that the actor who plays Peter, Milo Ventimiglia, ended up dating the 18 year old Hayden Panettiere, even though she played his niece on Heroes?

Season 3

For those who decided to stick around to see weather or not Tim Kring would fix the black hole of a plot that Heroes fell into, rest assured that he failed miserably, and you were right to abandon as early as possible.

Series creator Tim Kring has decided against all odds that he doesn't need to adhere to the laws of coherence or nature to have a hit T.V. show, and sens himself on a mission to drive Heroes as far down the toilet as he can.

Pictured: Heroes creator Tim Kring

For one, even though Ali Larter, who had a character on Heroes with a past so convoluted that it won't even be explained, had her character killed in the previous season finale. Yet had said character brought back to life with the excuse that she was part of a group of identical triplets, event though only 1 in 100,000 births are identical triplets, and it was never mentioned or explained at any point in the show.

Although, in defense of the shitty writing...

As for the fact that Heroes features some of the least likeable, worst acted characters of all time, in the form of Mohinder and Maya, they unfortunately manage to live another season, and decide to copulate their relationship in the hopes that their irritation will breed a child so annoying, it makes Gilbert Godfried look like a normal human.

Pictured: Mohinder and Maya, in their natural habitat.

As for Hiro, his storyline also got actively worse. For some inexplicable reason, he has decided never to travel back in time again, even though it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and encounters a new rival in the form of a lethally peppy "speedster," who for some reason can run fast enough to catch up with Hiro and speak with him while he stops time even though he can stop time. Just because someone can run fast doesn't give them the ability to be on the level with someone who can stop time.

Behold as Lady Ga Ga defies the laws of physichs.

Desperately in need of answers, Hiro seeks advice from a Britney Spears listenining African man who feeds him a hyena dung mixture in order to give him a vision. That's right, hyena dung.

Give me a rimjob, and I shall give you all the answers.

At this point, anyone with an ounce of good taste hurled a brick through their T.V., and vowed never to watch the show again for any reason. God only knows what's happened to the show now, or at least, he would, if he actually still watched Heroes.

I've got better shit to do.

Season 4

Inexplicably, after the heyena shit eating scene from Season 3, identical triplets, and the upteenth "death" of Sylar, Heroes inexcplicably managed to remain on the air. Fortunately, no one actually cares at this point, and I don't have to write anything about this disaster anymore. Except die hard Heroes fans, and they don't count as human.

At this point, everyone thought that Heroes would be the biggest clusterfuck in NBC history, that this was as bad as it got, that they couldn't possibly get themselves into a bigger hole than this.

How wrong we were.

By season 5, Hiro will likely head back to Feudal Japan. Sylar will die for the 17th time. Peter will somehow get even less likeable. And NBC will offer Rob Schneider his own talk show in primetime.