Silvio Berlusconi

Silvio Berlusconi is the current prime minister of Italy. He has drawn fire from his critics for his fascist-like control over the media. He also gets more pussy than you do, and he is over 70.

Women are attracted to his... something...

Just The Facts

  1. He is Italy's longest serving prime minister.
  2. He is valued at over $9.4 billion.
  3. He was caught at a villa with lots of hot Italian babes not wearing clothes.
  4. He "didn't" sleep with them.

Political Policies

Silvio Berlusconi owns pretty much all of Italy's media, is a real estate agent and an insurance tycoon, owns banks, and has at least one sports team to his name. He is also Italy's 3rd richest person. Remember in America when people were pissing themselves because members of the Bush administration-- erhem, Cheney-- had stock in Halliburton? This is about a billion times worse. You think Fox news is a Republican Party Pandering Machine? Italy has a TV channel that is owned by their PM; that's gotta be totally fair and balanced... Oh, I'm sorry, I lied right back there. He owns three news channels, a newspaper, some magazines, and various other digital channels.

Somewhere, there is a channel less fair and balanced.

So, if you think about it, he basically can just sit on his hands and do diddly-shit and get re-elected. His news outlets have all but completely ignored opposition parties, and all of Berlusconi's sex scandals, which I'll get to later. Also, when Berlusconi went to a big international meeting, the Queen of England, told him to shut his fat face (paraphrased) because he was too obnoxious. His international clout just received the equivalent of having his balls set on fire and stepped on. His news outlets barely noted this gaffe, and he is slated to be re-elected despite his horrendous policies and running his country's reputation into the ground.

We finally found this guy a soul mate.

Poontang Policies

Berlusconi is currently in his mid-70s. Despite the creepy old man vibe, he gets seven types of laid, presumably on a silver platter. Early in his term, an aspiring supermodel had a friendship with Berlusconi that many described as "too close." She also got her career started at around this time; this is further evidence that sleeping with politically powerful people is helpful. Let's not kid ourselves, if you got a call from Barack Obama, and you aren't Glenn Beck, telling you to take pictures of a hot Italian woman and get money for this, you would fucking do it.

Pictured: Patriotism

At his estate in Sicily, Berlusconi was caught with a bunch of women wearing zero clothes. As in none. He has denied having sex with any of them, and, unsurprisingly, Italy's media has downplayed this incident. Berlusconi is basically a one man winning machine. I'm pretty sure the only reason world leaders have not called for his resignation is that they admire his gigantic balls too much.