The Vatican

The Vatican has been around since "anciet Christian times" and is a different institution from Vatican City which is a city-state. It is the capital city of Italy while also being its own goddamn country with a population of 800 people, which makes it the smallest country in the fucking world. Anyway, the Vatican itself is the Chief ruling body of all of Catholicism, leading one to wonder just why the hell the Catholics have their own country in the first place and why so few of them live there. Then again, I have been in the room with a shit-load of Christians who absolutely refuse to be the first people to leave so, I can understand.

To understand the Vatican is to understand any place you have ever worked at ever, so long as it was run within protocol. The Vatican is a lot like the Umbrella Corporation. It is an institution that has its hand in many different subjects, worlds and establishments and it slowly but surely turns many thousands of millions of people into zombies that will eventually learn how to fucking run instead of shambling in complacency, will be made more ravenous by sunlight and black people (God's enlightenment and Black People) oh, and will eventually crumble because of incompetent transvestites and kick-ass undercover Satanists with slicked-back hair and shades. There, that is the Vatican, only cooler. And if a failing company is the coolest the Vatican can get then why do you people still take the knock-out tablets the Priest keeps on calling Jesus' body (Jesus Juice anybody?) that leaves you vulnerable? And why don't we call it the Vati-Can't?

Seriously though, the Vatican was given about the same suspicion that the Freemasons and Jews were given during the Colonial Period on. Even the Jesus-Fuckers give them shit for actually having substance (that, incidentally, the average Catholic just won't bother to understand. They just like keeping busy) in their practices and rituals. Catholics then got shit for the Pope being a political figure and the ruler of his own rinky-dink-dickhole coutry that has more money than their own fucking god. I guess it is all of the economizing on citizens, you know how much those bitches cost. But the real bitch is that Catholics have a stipen they have to pay the Church (1/3 of their annual paycheck) because being a Catholic means paying taxes on your religion and its properties that you get little to no benefits with. Well, at least they don't have to get saved. Nope, they get "Confirmed", where they get a 13 year old and have them study the religion (in two damn weeks, settle down Jews) and then proclaim that not only will they forever be Catholic and live by Catholic law but that they will have a Catholic name based off of their own Patron Saint. Sounds both cool and inappropriate at the same time. What is the difference between one lifetime committment and the other? Why can't kids fuck and smoke pot? Or get abortions for that matter? Obviously as long as it is a totally fake agreement that makes sure that they stay your precious little fucker as long as possible then it is okay. God I hate parents.

The Vatican is more than a Church, Museum, Ruling Body and useless heap of unnecessary excess taxes intended to leech the will to live from thousands of people who worship a suicide. It is also a tacky and hackneyed plot device. See, a couple of videogames with a gothic motif, Hellsing and that story where Tom Hanks is a detective for religious people or some shit...DaVini Code. Which I confused with a totally irrelevant book, The Secret, since forever. Of course, I never read either of them becuause I don't need my books to read themselves. If scene-popular media is to be trusted then the Vatican is obviously aware of its "Pagan" involvements (becuase European Pagans totally used the Pentagram and everything...you know what Wiccans and Dan Brown? They didn't) and did some terrible shit to hide some secret for some reason. Because the Vatican has sooooooo much power and needs it to charge fees. You know what? No, they don't. People pay their "dues" for no damn reason. The Vatican doesn't even explain itself. The Clergy in American parishes don't even explain why. But fuck if Americans don't do it. And they would devour anything the Church said about anything to keep thier dedication from being meaningless. Oh, but there are other cool things the Vaticn should think about doing! In Hellsing, they made this insane yet somehow frigid blond zealot who crapped out bayonettes like bad pick up lines and killed people who were not faithful (or were vampires...) because that is what he was designed to do. You know, that sounds familiar. Ah, Ann Coulter. Now, I know I rag on her a lot but, she needs to find help for her perpetual rag because really, it is getting old. Very much like her vagina and the semen stains in the confessionals.