7 Most Badass Generals Ever

Generals that history says not to fuck with.

Just The Facts

  1. There have been, historically, many awesome generals.
  2. They did great deeds
  3. THEY WERE BADASS!

7 Most Badass Generals Ever

fd 7. Napoleon Bonaparte.

Badass Background

Napoleon Bonaparte was born on a little island called Corsica. Historically, Corisca was known for having some badass warriors and some pretty ruthless generals. It only makes sense that Napoleon was born here. He was pretty badass growing up. He was already beating the shit out of people twice his age when he was 8. He went to France and became a really fucking sweet army official. Eventually his badass genius opened up the oppurtunity to lead a whole fucking army. He was then banished back to Corsica for being a little to fucking awesome. But he came back eventually and led France in one hell of an ass-kicking extravaganza. Then the whiny assholes we know as the British came along and sent out their lead douche, Duke of Wellington to conquer Napoleon. He did. Napoleon was banished again (so badass. Banished twice) to St. Helena. He died there.

Acts of Badassedness

  • He kicked the asses of pretty much all of Europe, Egypt, and some of the Middle East.
  • Had one of the best armies to date
  • During his coronation to be Emperor, he stole the crown from the Pope and placed it on his own head.

6. Omar Bradley

Badass Background

In addition to having a pretty badass name, General Omar Bradley was well-known for some other equally bad ass stuff, too. He went to West Pointe Military College, the official badass congregation point. When he graduated he did a variety of domestic (but no less badass) assignments before being given some action in World War Two. When finally given an assignment he was given Operation Torch (badass to the max!). In this operation he basically took a bunch of dudes and fucked shit up in North Africa. He then took control of the most badass event in history ever; D-Day. General Bradley took every piece of the military and shoved it up the Nazi's ass whilst storming Omaha Beach.

Acts of Badassedness

  • Fucked shit up in North Africa
  • Fucked shit up at Normandy
  • Headed the Veterans Administration after the war to keep the aging badasses in good health

5. Sun Tzu

Badass Background

Sun Tzu pretty much wrote the book on how to be a badass general....literally. He is the author of the official book on how to fuck shit up; The Art of War. The book in itself is chalk full of badass war tactics. Sun was so badass, in fact, he took a harem of 180 concubines and turned them into fucking soldiers. He didn't take shit off of anyone. If you fucked up, you died. However, he was a merciful badass and was known to have a very "gentle nature". General Tzu also wrote the entire Art of War on fucking bamboo boards....that's badass.

Acts of Badassedness

  • Wrote the book on how to fuck shit up
  • Trained whores to kick people's asses and they did it well
  • Was a great philosopher and understood pretty much everything about life

4. George Custer

Badass Background

If ever there was a badass during the Civil War times, it was General George Armstrong Custer. Most famous for the badass disaster The Battle of Little Bighorn, Custer did other things to help the Yanks win the Civil War. He led a group of men to capture 50 Confederates after he pulled a badass stunt and spied on those slave-owning bastards. He was made Captain and his life reached a new level of badassedness. Later, during the Indian Wars, he pretty much beat the fuck out of the Sioux and Cheyenne tribes. He would later die when they staged an ambush known as the Battle of Little Bighorn. Custer took a few of those horse-eaters with him.

Acts of Badassedness

  • Helped to free slaves from Confederates
  • Married a chick with last name 'Bacon'
  • Made fun of Indian General, Sitting Bull
  • Fought to the death at Battle of Little Bighorn

3. Dwight Eisenhower

Badass Background

Dwight D. Eisenhower, or better known as "Ike", was pretty much one of the most badass people that lived. He oversaw the cease-fire in Korea, put those Russian fucks into bankruptcy during the Cold War, and began the Interstate Highway System. He was also the supreme fucking commander of NATO. A SUPREME FUCKING COMMANDER!!! He helped organize the D-Day invasion. He hired General Douglas MacArthur to help fuck North Korea up. This dude just made a shitload of awesome decisions.

Acts of Badassedness

  • Organized D-Day
  • Fucked up Russia during the Cold War
  • Born in Texas
  • Made Nuking the shit out of bad people a top priority

2. Douglas MacArthur

Badass Background

Douglas MacArthur was a not a dude you wanted to fuck with. He was once remarked as being the "American Caesar". You really want to fuck with an American version of Caesar? MacArthur comes from a long list of badasses. His dad was a Medal of Honor recipient and his mom made some bitchin' biscuits. He did some pretty astonishing acts of badassedness while working the Korean War. He told President Truman that he was doing a shitty ass job being president. MacArthur politely told him to get the fuck out. MacArthur pretty much raped the shit out of the North Korean Communist Army. Unfortunately, due to some incompetence in other places, he was not able to finish the Korean War.

When he was put up for dismissal, Douglas MacArthur began his speech with the epic quote, "Old Soldiers never die, they just fade away". Badass words that will echo throughout time.

Acts of Badassedness

  • His life

1. George Patton

Badass Background

Finally, the supreme badass in all of military history; George motherfucking Patton. He is, indeed, the most influential of all the badass Generals. This dude loved his fucking country and would give both testicles and his fucking pancreas for it. However, before he became a badass general/deity he played in the fucking Olympics. He got a bunch of awards for swimming, horse riding, etc. Patton even got a fucking saber named after him called the "Patton Saber". There's even a whole book on how to properly stab the shit out of people with the "Patton Saber".

During World War Two he victimized North Africa, Sicily, Germany, Russia, and fucking MEXICO!

He even unleashed an epic quote that encouraged the men to ruthlessly murder the enemy by stabbing them through the rib cage and the mother fucking liver. That is a fucking badass.

Acts of Badassedness

  • FUCKING EVERYTHING!