Benito Mussolini is what some would call a Renaissance man and has to date become one of the greatest men on Earth and managed to keep a low profile, preferring to enjoy his exploits in secret

The Greatest Bald Facsist Ever

Many Mistakenly Attributed This Salute To Hitler's Nazi's

Who Would Dare Question A Man On A Tank

Just The Facts

  1. Nicknamed Il Duce
  2. Considered to be the founder of Italian facism
  3. Still alive today and unbeknownst to many is running the American Government

The Early Years

Mussolini was allegedly born in 1883 in Dovia di Predappio. However after many years of exhaustive research I have come to the conclusion that the man who later became known as Benito Mussolini was born in a secret temple that lies hidden under the extinct Mt. Vesuvius. In a ritual performed by twelve beautiful Italian priestesses Mussolini was brought forth from a meteorite that had crash landed on Earth the night before. Mussolini therefore was no mere man and is in fact a Golem created from the material that later came to be known as Mussoliniite. This living material allowed the baby Mussolini to grow to adulthood and effictively made him indestructible, and to this day no means has been discovered to destroy him.

The Political Years

In 1919 Mussolini created what was to become one of the most underrated political parties of the last thousand years. Mussolini cemented his place in Italian politics by killing his main political opposition at the time, Giacomo Mateotti, in hand to hand combat. And so began the glory years in Italian Politics for Mussolini. Mussolini dispatched any opponents in his rise to power using his own unique style of combat, Tae Kwon Mussolindo. This fighting style would later be used by a number of people including Bruce Lee, G.I. Joe and most notably by Batman.

Having finally assumed full control of Italy in 1922 Mussolini finally began to implement numerous policies which would lead to world domination:

1) Trapping the meddlesome Catholic Church in a prison which later became known as the Vatican City.

2) Creating a police state in which any opposition to his rule were captured and killed by Mussolini himself (of course no-one dared oppose him so he took to wandering the streets murdering anyone in his line of sight)

3) Beginning a slow takeover of Africa . Unlike Hitler who tackled the bigger countries, Mussolini began to invade smaller countries which would lead to his inevitable world domination (Before his fall Italy controlled East Africa, Ethiopia and several other countries)

Mussolini's Apparent Downfall And Death

Mussolini realised that the Allied forces were bound to defeat Hitlers inept troops and turn their attention to his takeover bid of Africa. So in a move of pure brilliance Mussolini operated on a man (Mussolini was also a qualified surgeon publishing several medical books) effectively creating his own doppelganger. Upon the mans recovery Mussolini allowed him to be captured and executed in his place, an execution which Mussolini attended himself in a fuck you to the people who had taken power in his place. After this Mussolini went into hiding for a few years before reappearing in America as a prominent Government official, that is to say Mussolini became the head of the CIA and has been there since 1958 acting under several different assumed identities.

Mussolini's Continued Existence in American Politics

Since his appointment as head of CIA in 1958 Mussolini has controlled the election of every President. JFK being the last democratically elected President. Since then every President elected in America has been put in office by Mussolini himself by rigging every election since 1963's election of Johnson. To this date Mussolini continues to manipulate the American government maintaining his place as head of the CIA.

Facts Unknown About Mussolini

Mussolini did not actually eat food, instead he survived on a diet of precious stones,e.g. diamonds, emeralds and such. To date only one other man has been able to survive on such a diet, Brendan Gleeson the badass mo-fo Irish actor/fly fishing enthusiast

Mussolini killed over 50,000+ men with his bare hands and despite his obvious flippant attitude towards his fellow man never turned the Tae Kwon Mussolindo on a woman or child.

Mussolini has the ability to turn a man into a beautiful woman just by staring at him. This helped him during the bleak years between 1946-1958 when he lived in a small shepherd community in Siberia where the only women were the size of bears and had the looks and personalities of a desk lamp

Mussolini is able to transform into a Panzer tank and spawned the popular Transformers cartoon after he was spotted transforming by the series creator

Mussolini staged the moon landing in his back garden, because if anyone actually did land on the moon they would discover his vacation home on the moon and then the location would be ruined by tourists

Mussolini has had several hundred thousand lovers and has to my knowledge 79,546 children varying in age from 2-105. These children include such people as Mike Tyson, George Clooney, Megan Fox, Eamonn De Valera and so on

Mussolini is the only man alive who has defeated Chuck Norris in unarmed combat, the fight lasted exactly 5 seconds before Mussolini made Norris cry like a little pansy bitch

Every record in the Guiness Book of World Records was set by Mussolini under an assumed name