Snuggie
The snuggie is a blanket (wait for it)…with sleeves. Your life has changed forever. No longer shall you be confined to the troubles of ordinary blankets. Welcome to a world with sleeves.
Just The Facts
- Blanket with Sleeves
- Luxurious Thick Fleece
- They Have them for dogs...
- 4 million snuggies have been sold. Multiply 4 million with 14.95 and the answer is $59,800,000...holy balls
- Free...book light?
The World of Sleeves
The main attraction of the Snuggie is its sleeves. By introducing sleeves into the blanket market, people can now achieve mundane tasks like reaching for the remote, grabing some popcorn, or smoking freebase cocaine all in the comfort of a blanket.
If you can't function while wearing a blanket, you mine as well give up, because your lack of coordination is hurting the country.
It also touts that normal blankets can make you feel trapped. Really? You know how you end that, remove the blanket, end of entrapment.
The snuggie also has the attraction of being portable. In the commercial, two parents are seen at a soccer game high fiving in the comfort of their snuggie because nothing say's I'm a tool like wearing a backwards robe to your son's AYSO game.
The commercial also shows us the parents without snuggies. They sit among them, shivering without their blanket. They may freeze to death but at least they die in dignity.
It's better to look good than to feel good.
The commercial also displays several snuggie enthusiasts having a good time outdoors. They look like they're having a good time but really they're just in a cult. While cults may convince you they have all the answer, this one doesn't. They paid for these things, try the Branch Davidians.
It makes us wonder at cracked what kind of cult the soccer moms were in. Were not completely sure but were pretty certain it entails traveling in mini-vans and sacrificing those who forgot to bring the oranges for the half-time snack.
The Thneed
Any Dr. Seuss fan can relate to us here.We're talking to you The Lorax fans.
If you never read The Lorax, in the book, the Thneed is an odd-looking garment and versatile garment that "everyone needs."
Turns out that the Thneed (like the snuggie) is a pointless product use to scam people for their money. To make matters worse it ends up being responsible for the destruction of an entire forest. The same thing could be said for the snuggie but instead of a forest it represents the destruction of our sanity.
Absofuckinglutely Pointless
Free Gift!!!
Woa! Wait a minute. You order a Snuggie today you get a free gift!
We can't wait to see what it is! Could it be a George Forman Grill? A slap chop!? We must know!
Well from the people who gave us a sleeved blanket, what could you expect?
That's right a booklight.
A book light...let us explain to you what a book light basically is. Back in elementary school, when we had a fundraiser, there was a level of prizes for those who sold the most. The top level was always a 13" color TV, and at the bottom level, a book light. The book light is the loser among fundraiser prizes, which is pretty much the lowest of consumer goods.
Buying a snuggie and getting a free book light is the equivalent being told of a secret pizza party and then find out their serving DiGiorno.
Its not delivery, It's diarrhea.
Funny article, loved the Lorax ref. And now for the DARK SIDE of snuggies:
ReplyWhatever you do, do NOT buy a snuggie directly from the infomercial or the website. First they basically con you into buying twice as many as you want, since entering '1' into it means you want one set of two. The shipping advertised is $7.95 yet customers end up with shipping bills of 30-50 dollars. There is no place where you can confirm your order, get an order number, or check how much you are actually paying for the products until after you hit submit. Then they email you saying you were charged an absurd amount, sometimes in the hundreds of dollars. You fumble around on their website and can find no email address and an automated number that will not connect you to a real human no matter how many times you press zero. If you manage to connect to a person by digging around on a completely different website, they will tell you that they cannot cancel your order until it has been processed some time in the next 4-6 weeks as they are backlogged but will not cancel your order until after it has been shipped. The only way to get out of paying for them at that point is to get your credit card cancelled or attempt to return them which is a pain in the ass.
Please, if for some ungodly reason you wish to purchase a snuggie, go to a bloody fred meyer or as seen on tv store.
In addition, snuggie offers $8.95 rebate checks which happen to sign you up for a $150.00/year contract that most people don't even realize they signed up for until they've been billed for it. (http://www.mainstreet.com/article/smart-spending/snuggie-scam-pay-150-9-rebate)