Cyber Monday

Cyber Monday is a fictional retail trend and the lame, nerd-ridden response to Black Friday.

Not shown: persons with dignity

Just The Facts

  1. Cyber Monday does not actually exist.
  2. In 2005, The National Retail Federation created the term 'Cyber Monday' in hopes that businesses and consumers would assume it was a trend and follow along.
  3. A trend is a recurring pattern of human behavior within a sociological system. The phrase "What the hell is Cyber Monday?" is the closest the supposed phenomenon has come to this.
  4. The National Retail Federation was founded by Bizarro. Its original name was The Sovereign Noncommercial Disunion, but was later changed for practical reasons.
  5. 'Cyber Monday' is internationally recognized as the lamest nomiker ever applied to a day of the week.
  6. After the trampling of a Wal-Mart employee in 2008, 'Black Friday' beat out Ireland's 'Bloody Sunday' for most tragic loss of life.

Rise of the Cybermen

Many online retailers have attempted to follow the alleged trend, with adorable results. Like little engines that could, they offer exclusive sales and digital coupons in an effort to rival the monstrously indeposable Black Friday. Taking place on the first Monday after Thanksgiving, Cyber Monday clearly has its sights set. Like Little Mac and his adorable glow of purple weariness, it swings its tiny boxing gloves and hopes for the little squeaking sound that accompanies a successful hit.

But only time will tell. Just as Little Mac eventually beats Mike Tyson, American consumers may one day stop leaving their houses altogether, and Cyber Monday will triumph. This is otherwise known as "Phase 2" of our robot overlords' master plan for world domination.

The future of Cyber Monday

The future of Cyber Monday

The National Retail Federation

Members of the NRF's think tank were born feet first. Their plan boiled down to little more than the Bluths' plan to raise money for TBA, except the NRF believed TBA would actually exist if only they believed in it hard enough. Cyber Monday is the Tinkerbell of online retail trends. Like a much less awesome version of P.T. Barnum, the NRF has planted a story in the hopes of swelling retail returns. This method of 'name first, trend later' commerce is typical coming from a world shaped like a perfect cube.

A face you can trust

A face you can trust