Dan O'Brien. Who is he? Is he a he? Have the restraining orders worked? Should we care?
Daniel "Steelballs" O'Brien seems to be no mystery to regular Cracked readers, who have come to know and fear him through his work.
But is this the real man?
Well - yes. Mostly.
"I have so many people to thank. First and foremost, I'd like to thank myself. Without my support and unyielding dedication to excellence, none of this would've ever happened, and I'd be a sucker just like all of you chumps."
"...I'm not trying to force the fight-or-fuck response simply because it happens to be the way I personally handle absolutely ever social situation, that's just a coincidence."
"I'm like a black Barack Obama."
"I'm going to have sex with the black chick who hangs around on this ship. What's her name?"
"Did I write that? Oh ho, man, I'm the best."
"Stop pretending male comedy is all id-driven retard candy..."
"PUT THE FUCKING PUNCTUATION INSIDE THE QUOTES." - sadly unlinkable.
On his Collegues
"I'm not racist, but I think Puerto Ricans should be kept in cages."
On His Passion for Justice
"I don't give a shit about the law right now, (or, hey, while we're at it, ever)."
On Miley Cyrus
Section removed on legal advice.
Mr. Jack O'brien
We tried desperately for a quote from the editor in chief, but could make out nothing more than the occasional muffled sob.
An Intern (Anonymous by request)
"He sometimes doesn't pour coffee on me"
A Former Collegue
"... he MIGHT be Spider-Man ..."
"(He) does spend 50 hours a week getting high and playing the sitar."
"All the skills of a ninja, all the motives of a sex offender."
" .. the concept of needing a reason to steal unfamiliar to him."