Glasgow

Glasgow is the largest city in Scotland. Its drab grey rectangular architecture and its 2.3 million inhabitants give it the same general ambiance as a landfill thats infested with maggots.

Welcome to Glasgow. European City of Culture

Just The Facts

  1. Glasgow became the murder capital of europe in 2003.
  2. Glasgow was a European City of Culture.
  3. Has the highest rate of heart disease in Scotland which in turn has the highest rate of heart disease in western europe

The People


The men:

Generally small in stature due to poor housing, poor diet and inbreeding their diminutive size often lulls the unwary visitor into a false sense of security. It just means that their enormously overdeveloped adrenal glands have less body to overload with rage chemicals. Glaswegian blood samples could easily be confused with that of a bull shark who just drank a bottle of whiskey.

Keeping this disturbingly large population of humanoid rabid pitbulls in check means that 4 times every year a soccer game between the pro-Irish republican Celtic F.C. and the unionist, protestant Rangers F.C. The resulting street violence acts as both a safety valve and a way of thinning out the crowd.

A pleasant side effect of a city full of Begbie's is that terrorist attacks on the city often have hilarious results.

The women:

Although they are rarely seen, making eye contact with one will usually mean your view is quickly obscured by her "mans" soveriegn ring encrusted fist, let us assure that this is no loss. A steady diet of fish suppers, Voddy (vodka) and teenage pregnancies mean that they are as easy on the eye as puppy torture.