Hair Metal

Hair Metal is a genre of music thats you either love or hate,just remember either way they had more sex than you. A hell of a lot more sex, no serously more sex than you believe could ever happen.

The basic sum for a hair metal band

We may look like girls but we could still fuck your girlfriend and her mother.

Just The Facts

  1. Hair metal is like the emos of today put into a cheaply dubbed anime
  2. No matter how hard you try the look cannot be emulated at home
  3. Its not gay, its fucking metal

Whats it fucking about

Hair metal has no point, it's about playing good music and having a good time usually involving more girls and drugs than you can shake your boner at. True hair metal is all about over the top shows and mad guitar riffs,the sheer amount of action on stage has been compared to an acid trip in a skittles factory. The main purpose of these shows is to make as many women or "groupies" sleep with the band. Be warned though dressing like a troll doll, taking a shit lode of drugs and screming about your penis in public will not have the same effect.

Hair metal's golden age was the 80's where stupid hair was all the rage, drugs were plentiful and the concept of shame had yet to invented. However some modern bands have been linked to the genre, which will be discussed later, but just like 80's bands they dont give a fuck and keep on rocking.

Just like this

However real hair metal is embodied by bands such as KISS and aerosmith who blew the collective minds of everyone who went to their shows. The rule of thumb being if you take longer doing your hair than you spend on stage, your either a woman or in a hair metal band.

Is it any good?

The short answer is no, like style from the 80's and chuck norris jokes its just not cool any more and just appears sad if attempted. However some bands have felt the need to desperately cling to their waning sexual prowess and are still on tour, hoping a 60 year old with a wig and eyeliner is enough to still get girls. Unfourtunately this does work and Bands like KISS are still having their love gun cocked over and over again (the gun is his weiner). Some modern bands borrow elements of hair and glam metal, twisting it in their own unique way to fuck endlessly with our minds. Dont believe us this is a band called the Hizaki Grace project next to a generic hair metal band from the 80's.

natural progression

All the people pictured are men complete with testicles and a strange desire to set things on fire, the picture on the right is from a genre known as the visual kei movement which most suprisingly comes from japan. This is the same country that invented tentacle rape porno and 7 layer Big macs, it's only natural they invent the weirdest musical experience since the blue man group took acid. Bands like this have taken the looking like a girl concept of hair metal to the extreme, in an attempt to finally cement Japans reputation as the world provider of things we shouldn't masturbate too.