Farmville

Ever wanted to be a farmer in real life, but lack the tractors, land, animals, ambition, and skills to be one? Wanna be one anyway? Well all you wannabe farmers... check out Farmville. Population of about 70,000,000 users and abusers. Farmville is a game that's obscenely popular on Facebook. Why? Because everyone else is doing it, so that means you should too.

Play Farmville, be a sheep, and flock your friends.

Zynga is the creator of this game. The company slogan is, "Not even cats can fill the emptiness in your soul.... soooo.... why not play our games while you slowly wait for death?"

First of all, you need a Facebook profile Skippy . All signed up? Great. After that, search and stalk people you know and send friend requests to them. Hopefully they don't hate you and won't be embarrassed to publicly acknowlege you as their friend. After that, you'll get spammed by almost everyone you know requesting you to play Farmville along with a whole bunch of other craptacular applications, where fun is not allowed to exist. Add Farmville and allow it to abduct your profile information and see pictures of you drunk.

Now create the stupid Amish farmer avatar of yourself and click the "done" button, which kinda sounds like the word "dumb." Say it out loud if you don't believe us. You're done. Now you can play.

Here's a step by step account of what ya'll need to do on yer farm until the day you die, real farmers will show ya how.

1. Plow yo' land, plow yo' land, plow yo' mutha fuckin' land!

2.Plant some seeds, plant some seeds, plant some mutha' fuckin' seeds!

3. Watch it grow, watch it grow, watch it mutha' fuckin' grow!

4 Stop....wait.....wait..... keep waiting.....hold on....

5. Harvest time!

6. You can also molest your animals for money. They won't tell anyone, trust us.

See you can do it! It's really not that difficult. Unless you're stupid. Even then.....

Time flies when your having fun.

It's all over when the farmer brings his massive cock to the Chicken Ranch.

Thanks for asking! Here's your motivation to play:

1. Gain XP in order to level up. This is done by farming hard.

2. Obtain ribbons for accomplishments. Whenever you do something, like whatever, it goes towards earning a ribbon. Some of the ribbons are: Tree of Everlasting Boredom, Flower Fairy, Cat Wrangler, and Crop Pisser. Don't forget to post that shit!

3. Decorate your farm like the Amish Edition of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

4. "Fertilize" your neighbors crops when no one else is around and gain XP and a few coins.

5. Annoy the fuck out of your friends by posting every stupid move you make and by sending them gifts.

6. The secret agenda of NAZI sympathizers Zynga is to get you to friend whore yourself. Once you do that, they want you and your friends to spend real money on premium items that in game coinage cannot buy. Use real money on fake items that don't really exist. When you do that, they LOL all the way to their Swedish bank account.