Chameleon

The chameleon is god’s closest answer to the age old question “Why isn’t there a reptile that looks awesome but has the ability to hide itself so that its awesomeness can’t be seen?” Behold the chameleon.

Seen Here

Just The Facts

  1. Chameleons are found mostly in Africa and Madagascar (and other Tropical Regions) and have approximately 160 different species.
  2. Chameleons have stereoscopic eyes that work separately from one another; most probably so that they can watch for predators and trip reptilian balls looking at themselves.
  3. Not ALL Chameleons can change colour and the changing of colour is not always for the purpose of camouflage.
  4. Some Chameleons have horns, sharp teeth, spiked frills and a long powerful tail (kinda likeThis guy )

What Can It Do?

From general knowledge and unintended exposure to documentary channels

"Honey, change the channel. It's some documentary"

"I can't. I think the remotes broken"

"Well I guess we can learn some shit if we have too"

We all know that the Chameleon is a lizard renowned for its ability to catch insects with its tongue, change colours and camouflage, climb trees and look around a lot but has anyone really gone into in-depth details about each of these genetic traits? Most probably yes. But for the sake of mindless redundancy I will reiterate the scribbled notes of every zoologist that's ever lived.

Tongue

The Chameleons tongue is a 12 cm long sticky pink Freudian appendage that can reach speeds of around about 30 thousandths a second. That's around about the time it takes Jack Nicholson to look really creepy.

"Thats Fast!"

The tongue is used to snatch up its prey which consists of flies, locusts, crickets, grasshoppers and in some rare cases small birds (Scientists believe this is because the Chameleon doesn't care about what it eats more what can fly and how it can fuck up that things day). National Geopgraphic says "When triggered, the concentric, overlapping sheaths of collagen telescope outward, allowing the adhesive tongue tip to extend rapidly toward the prey". So...yeah. Big fast tongue gets shit done.

Reproduction

Chameleons are mostly Oviparous meaning that they tend to lay eggs after bumping fertilizing uglies. After about 3-6 weeks the female Chameleons lays a 'clutch' of eggs.

"Eggs are confusing"

A 'clutch' is a varied number of eggs the female lays in a hole dug into the soil. Depending on what type of species the Chameleon is a clutch can consist of 3-4 eggs or 80-100. After 4-12 months the eggs hatch and the male Chameleons slip silently out of the nursery to rinse and repeat with another saucy scaly minx.

Changing of Colour

Using specialized cells called 'Chromatophores' that contain varying colour pigments, the Chameleon can reflect incident light. So depending on dispersion of certain pigments throughtout the body the Chameleon can chemically brighten/darken individual/multiple colour pigments creating oranges, pinks, greens, browns and other such colours.

"Such as the colour : Purplueoran'gelloween"

But the reason for the change of colour; beyond 'chemical reactions' or 'science mumbo jumbo' is generally the mood of the Chameleon itself and its surroundings. If the surroundings are brown and green then the Chameleon will replicate these colours as best it can. If its surroundings are very bright then its colours will tend to be bright colours and vice versa. When dealing with mood if a Chameleon is green with yellow stripes, just green or bluish green it means that its chilled out. If the Chameleon is bright orange, red or black/brownish it means that its pissed the hell off. Males tend to do be more colourfull then the female to display dominance. Which makes total sense!

Eyes

The eyes are one of the most distinct features of the Chamaeleonidae family. Each eye can look in an individual direction and has sharp vision and depth perception. Only the pupil of the eye is shown as the eyelids are sealed tightly about it. The eyes also dart about quickly like an edgy tropical junkie after hearing distant police sirens. As far as reptiles go the Chameleon has very good eye sight and experts say that the species will never need reading glasses.

And Lastly...

The last sound you want to hear something thats camouflaged make.....ever