Hugs

A hug is an embrace between two beings, but sometimes can serve as a way to describe a person, like, "Oh my friend Granola, he's a real tree hugger." When it comes to hugging there are some things to consider:

Just The Facts

  1. Hugs can cause boners.
  2. Not all hugs are created equal
  3. Not everybody likes being hugged
  4. Hugging can be good for you, constant hugging is said to lower blood pressure, except of course when hugging a pillow at night pretending its a girl - that of course raises blood pressure and takes many years off of your life.

Hugging, and You

Not everyone can be a hugger, some are better at it than others. But do not fret my friends, for this helpful guide will have you hugging with the best of em!

Politicians suck at it.

Grandmas make them nauseous.

Uh. . . "cowboys" are good at it.

Primates too.

But chicks are by far, the best at it.

Different Types of Hugs

The hug: the standard sign of affection between friends or loved ones. Moderate chance of enticing a boner but rarely if ever leads to getting laid.

Bear Hug: an unfriendly hug, getting its name from large snarling beasts that can squeeze a man till his lungs collapse. . . sometimes though bear hugs can be quite sexy. Its intent is to harm - to force air out of the huggie's lungs, and if the hugger is strong enough - to crush a few ribs and/or snap the spine. Never results in getting laid or producing boners, except in certain BDSM circles.

Free Hugs: these are often carried out by weirdos who stick to street corners with self made signs drawn in sharpie that say: FREE HUGS. Many of them believe they can help change the world, one hug at a time - with random acts of kindness. There are so many of them in fact, that they have their own campaign. Its intent is to spread kindness all throughout the land, for free, but nothing in this life is free. Possible chance of enticing boners, limited chance of getting laid.

HELL YEAH! Oh no wait, it says 'FREE HUGS."

Virtual Hugs: they are much like regular hugs, only they don't require any human contact whatsoever, which makes them rather popular on social networking sites. They can come in the form of annoying animations, annoying e-cards, or as annoying applications. Never results in getting laid, but does sometimes result in getting laid virtually.

Just bump your iPhone up next to your friends and virtually hug with iHug!

Pound Hugs: a hug/handshake combination between two males - so they don't have to worry about their matching genitalia "accidentally" touching. Its a handshake with a little more, but be careful though, get a little too friendly and you will get your ass beat. Never results in gettin laid or producing boners - except in certain groups.

Group Hugs: a hug only with a lot of people, in this case, with a lot of cute adorable kitties. . . It rarely if ever leads to getting laid, but can possibly cause boners.

awww.

Tree Hug: this hug is most often carried out by nature loving hippies and complete stoners. It can be done by one person, or by many, depending on the girth of the wood. In any case, its intent is to connect with the tree and feel its "energy." Never leads to getting laid, but for some, it does cause boners.

I wish I had friends!

Benefits of Hugging

Researchers in North Carolina have actually found that hugging is good for you. Not only does contact with other human beings increase the oxytocin levels in your brain, which help you bond with your hugger, but it also lowers blood pressure. Not only that, but hugging can help reduce the risk of heart disease.

With the power of hugging you to, can save people's lives. Lots of horrible things have been done by adults who were once children who were so nasty and ugly and vile that they weren't ever hugged. For instance, some buy out a fat camp and force fat kids to endure horrible hardships all so that they may sell a weight loss program on a late-night infomercial. . . You know, guys like this:

So. . .

How bout a hug?