Norse Mythology

Well the Norse were alive in a time when evrybody believed in dragons and magic, a time when to run naked through the street holding a cross made you a messiah of an enter religion. Rather than now days.... I WASN'T EVEN THAT NAKED!!!!!!!

The reason why no one fucks with Norse gods!!!!

Just The Facts

  1. Norse Gods are badass! I mean fuck "judgement day" these guys end the universe in a royle rumble against giants!!
  2. Ok, im not sure the exact definition of a hard man is, but to run a system that said if you didn't die in battle you went to hell! Qualifies the Norse people as hard mother fuckers.
  3. The Norse people as far as anyone can tell, only had a truly perfect day if they got really, really wasted, then went out to find the largest army they could, offended them and then got killed by them in a bloody battle.

Their badassness knows no bounds! (Seriously if theirs a bound they don't know about it)

Alright if I had to compare Norse people to an animal i'd compare them to badgers. This is for the simple reason that badgers are small but fearless and also angry, angry mammals. I mean this one time a single badger held up a bank using only a tooth brush and a flannel. So Norse people are that good comparatively to other religions. I mean take Christianity for instance, all the people do in that book is bitch to eachother about how unfair life is and then the main character dies at the end by being nailed to a cross (what a bellend, he died for my what now? Sorry you must be confusing me with someone who gives a shit). I mean what ever happend to the good old days when gods were crazy ass super humans, who for fun would shoot lighting bolts at farmers and kill eachother for seemingly no reason apart from for shits and giggles? ( Lookin' at you Loki).

The number of gods alone in Norse mythology is confusing enough without bringing in all those heros, elves, dragons and dwarves. Seriously who the fuck was writing this down? Who the fuck one day decided "Hey guys you know what we need? A religion with load of gods who appear to do nothing exept wait around, occasionally kill eachother and plan to one day get into a battle with giants thats going to end the universe as we know it." Probably the same guys who decided for the Norse that the earth was part of a tree, that linked it to heaven and hell. Then, not yet thinking this was retarded enough, they decided it would be funny to have a massive dragon-monster that was trying to destroy the tree by eating its roots (them theorising the universe was the tree, not really clever of all the things they could pick why have a dragon-monster slowly destroying the universe? Why not instead have a bunny that talked and could fight crime? They could have called him Bubbles "rabbit detective" *sigh*). Your probably thinking now that they couldn't have possibly managed to make their religion any more fucked up if they'd gotten down only all fours and actually done the nasty to it, well I didn't either but then i stumbled across this little bit of information.

I mean some people say christians are nutters for thinking the worlds only been around for a couple thousand years and that they see dinosaurs as a myth (fuck you I watch TV and unless its lying to me then their real), but these guys were in a whole other world of retarded! Making for reasons not know to any, even them (trust me I asked) a giant eagle and snake, whos only purpose in Norse mythology appears to have been to live as fair away from eachother as possible and to send each other insults via a squirrel who ran from one to the other, kind of like a phone, a really shit phone that you would have to talk to and then it would run off to tell the other person what you said before returning with the other persons reply.

Although you have to give them some credit, I mean apart from all the stuff which makes no actual sense i.e FUCKING MOST OF IT!!!! Some of their concepts are pretty awesome, you carn't not like Thor he is the god of thunder you know!

Well, so apart from being almost entirely based on theories which go against every scientific principal, magic, gods and some things that even when looked at by other people of the time were deemed retarded its a good religion. (Althought if I were making a religion it would have many more animal stories and i'd like to think less things deemed crackheadish in it, but im 99% certain it would be considered too mentally disabled for a child to read).