Crabbe and Goyle are the henchmen of Draco Malfoy. All three are members of Slytherin house which the Hogwarts house for evil doers and sadomasochistic sex.
Just The Facts
- Crabbe and Goyle are virtually indistinguishable except for Crabbe's surprisingly high-pitched voice.
- Goyle tastes like overcooked cabbage.
- Crabbe and Goyle enjoy bondage, furries and torture but don't ask them to dress up as girls.
The Early Years
Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle are the sons of Death Eaters. Their fathers are imaginatively named Crabbe and Goyle. This effecively makes Crabbe and Goyle the neo-Nazi sons of Brown Shirts.
Daddy would be proud!
Both Crabbe and Goyle are obsessed with pure-blood as all good
Nazis Slytherins should be. Slytherins are typically described as "cunning" but Crabbe and Goyle are generally stupid followers of Draco Malfoy. However, they do desire power and have a strong belief in blood purity. This belief was so strong that Crabbe Goyle and Malfoy realized that with the dwindling population of pure-blood wizards, they would have to look elsewhere to satisfy their pubescent sexual urges. They turned to each other
The Growing Years
Crabbe and Goyle are both remarkably stupid which makes them perfect followers. Or gimps. Goyle has broad shoulders, large feet, small dull eyes and long gorilla arms. Crabbe is rather fatter but also has those sexy gorilla arms (J K Rowling using a vocabulary of Stephenie Meyer proportions).
In the 2nd book Harry and Ron get a taste of Crabbe and Goyle's juices. Crabbe's cocktail is a murky brown colour whereas Goyle's is the khaki colour of a bogey and tastes like overcooked cabbage. Yes, Harry and Ron take it in the mouth.
Suck it up boys
The three boys exposed their propensity for dressing up and marching about in the 3rd book where they put on hooded cloaks and
lynch a black man pretend to be Dementors. The boys are severely punished for this and they enjoyed every minute of it.
Goyle also develops a taste for furries after being bitten by Ron's rat Scabbers, who is actually a middle aged man in the body of a rat. Hot.
The first result on Google for: furries rat
However, the boys feel frustrated by the confines of the dungeons and decide that they need to get more involved in extracurricular activities. In their 5th year they become Beaters on the Slytherin Quidditch Team, where they enjoy hitting their Bludger in Harry's direction.
Malfoy finally pushes his gimps too far in the 6th book, when he demands that they dress up as little girls for him. Crabbe particularly gets very angry, and complains that Malfoy just doesn't communicate with him anymore. What a woman. But at the end of this book Crabbe and Goyle are left very lonely when Malfoy abandons them for the Death Eaters, who it seems have no problem dressing up as women. [Citation needed]
Lord Voldemort: Lethal and Luscious
Look Whose Holding the Whip Now
Having previously been members of Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad, Crabbe and Goyle realize that they don't need Malfoy. Crabbe becomes quite the dominatrix in the 7th book, mastering: Avada Kedavra, BDSM, Fiendfyre and Rectum Plectrum. Crabbe and Goyle became the favoured students of Amycus and Alecto Carrow. The brother and sister enjoy punishment and torture of underage wizards and introduce their young proteges to new and exciting sadomasochistic practices.
Crabbe and Goyle were particularly proficient in the Dark Arts classes and enjoyed using the Cruciatus Curse on any naughty students. Neville even says "Crabbe and Goyle love it. First time they've ever been... [on] top". Presumably Malfoy always insisted on dominating.
In the final battle Crabbe conjures Fiendfyre in order to consume Hermione, Ron and Harry. However unlike Draco who realizes that his friends have gone too far, Crabbe enjoys his sadistic cruelty. He is not able to control his dark powers and is consumed by his own hellfire. Goyle escapes but is never mentioned again. Presumably he killed himself out of grief for his lost lover. However, this is all infinitely preferable to seeing Harry Potter's second coming (that's just too easy), which was lack luster at best.
In loving memory of Crabbe and Goyle:
Crabbe and Goyle. R.I.P.