Acronyms are nothing more than ways to mind-fuck you into remembering stuff. But some people and places of business have taken this technique too far. Everything has an acronym attached to it, forcing people everywhere to memorize ridiculous words.

Yeah, I did that...while writing this topic

Laugh Out Loud

I never miss an opportunity to share the joy I feel at this.

Just The Facts

  1. Acronyms shorten words by exponentially increasing the lengths of afore-mentioned words.
  2. Some guy came up with the not particularly terrible acronym to remember the names and orders of the planets. (If you haven''t heard it, why the hell have you read this far down?)
  3. Much like when you were twelve and tried baking a cake by just "chucking everything in that damn bowl and ruining the experience of making cakes forever", people spewed acronyms all over the place. Many of these sucked.
  4. Hoy-ever, there are quite a few diamonds in the rough. I guess I have to reveal them to you because you're too lazy to search Google for them. That's okay, I don't mind.

What is an acronym?

Acronyms, eh?

TWAIN - Technology Without An Interesting Name

Seriously, that's a real acronym. And pretty much puts the whole subject in a Not Usually The Sleekest Hottest Element of Lovely Literature - NUTSHELL(!)

Yeah, I went there.

Anyway, Acronyms are like Alliterations, Similes and Metaphors uncool, geeky, nerdy, skinny little brother. Nobody cares about them and they're only ever discovered when people stick out studying the English language for long enough to stumble upon them. Some ridiculous people think it is a great, quick-thinking memory-aid.

What it actually is is stupid pre-computer word-play. Basically it's cool short-hand that went out of date when somebody was too lazy to write "Laugh Out Loud" and wrote "LOL" (ironically). People use "WTF" and "BYOB" (?) for years before they realise that they are examples of acronyms. Those cotton-pickin' acronyms!

Thanks, English language! Putting a label on fucking everything!

Definition and the Necessary Bile (with some LOLs chucked in)

According to, an acronym is "a word formed from the initial letters or groups of letters of words in a set phrase or series of words". According to Urban Dictionary, "anxiouse cronnies on nylon yarn mounatins", which begs the question, "What are you smoking and where in hell can I buy some".

In essence, an acroynm takes a series of words you want to remember, and takes the first letter of each word to create a whole new, utterly pointless word.

Businesses actually pay employees to get in touch with "real people" by assuming the consumer's mindset. For no apparent reason, the corporate powers-that-be decide that acronyms are a flashy, revolutionary, necessary way of appealing to... you.

Yes, you, with the laptop and the undone belt.

(Sorry, I'm being facetious, there's no call for it.)

Afore-Mentioned Diamonds in the Rough

AAAAAAAAA - All American Association Against Acronym And Abbreviation Abuse Anonymous

Hell, I'm just against all A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S. and abrvtins. ROFLMFAO!!!

AAB - Acronyms Are Bullshit.

Amen. (Oh, Shit.)

BINGO - Bollocks! I'm Not Going Out!

FORD - Factory Ordered Road Disaster

I had one. They're shit.

IBM - I Blame Microsoft


MICROSOFT - Mac Imitation from a Corrupt Roguish Organization Selling Only Faulty Technology

DIRT - Downright Intriguing, Really Trashy

DEVIL - Downright Evil but Voluptuously, Intriguingly Lustful

Oh, you horny devil(!) Yes, Lucifer is a player.


Do we need acronyms? Nah, probably not. But then, I wouldn't be able to end the article with this zinger: