Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare II

Majorly successful first person shooter that everyone raved about until they all realized it's not as good as the first one and has a bit of a rubbish ending [SPOILERS BELOW]

Crafty Scriptwriters! This must have taken years of planning!

Just The Facts

  1. Modern Warfare 2 is the sequel to the popular videogame Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. Yes, big surprise.
  2. It's set five years after the original and involves a war between Russia and the U.S.A.
  3. It's overblown, pretentious and predictable. So, better than most games.
  4. Still, it's damn fun to play!

War: It's modern now apparently...

Let's start with what happened at the end of the first game (assuming you haven't played it, in which case, where the fuck have you been?):

Captain Price, Soap, Gaz, Griggs and some other soldiers not important enough to be remembered held their ground on a large bridge against what seemed to be every terrorist ever, all of them streaming in on trucks, probably with comfy seats and air conditioning. Smug bastards. The firefight doesn't go well, considering a tanker explodes, temporarily disabling Soaps ability to shoot, move, or talk (which wasn't a big loss). Griggs, trying to save his British buddy, get's the shit shot out of him, while Gaz is executed at point blank range by the main villain of the game, Imran Zakhaev. What follows is one of the most memorable and moving endings in videogaming history. All seems to be lost, the enemy are closing in, most of your friends are dead, everything is going to shit. Then, BAM, the good Russians showed up (cue applause and emotional music). As the Russians all started shooting at each other, Captain Price, close to death, threw Soap a single pistol, which Soap aimed carefully at Zakhaevs fat face. We imagine he was surprised.

"Oooooooh Snap!"

Soap shot Zakhaev and his guards, before dropping the pistol and looking over at Captain Price, who was lying on the ground, completely still.

This ending drew tears from the most hardened of men (we assume we aren't the only ones). Many questions went unanswered ("What happened to Captain Price?".....wait, no, that was the only question), and Infinity Ward remained tight lipped about a possible sequel. Now, two years on, and after having suffered another generic WW2 Shooter as a follow up (thanks Treyarch!), we have Modern Warfare 2, and here is the worldwide opinion:

Too Short

Disapointing ending

AWESOME MULTIPLAYER

Basically, what the world is saying, is that if you aren't online by now (seriously, who isn't?) then there's little point in owning this game after you've finished it. The story isn't as compelling as the first one and the plot twists would make M. Night Shyamalan blush.

Trust us, he's blushing.

An insight into the mind set of a COD:MW2 Character

It's important to establish a connection to a character when creating a videogame. With Modern Warfare, Soap was identifiable as the noob of the unit, helping any new players feel more comfortable (or something, we aren't experts at psychology, we're a website). In this game, there's Roach. He's a British man about town who has been assigned to Task Force 141, which is led by (drum roll) Soap. While this is exceptionally cool, in ways non-gamers will never understand, it really begs the question: Why didn't they just let us play as Soap again? Assuming most people who are going to buy Modern Warfare 2 played the first one, they aren't new to the dynamic of war in this day and age, in terms of videogames. Nothing would be as awesome as playing as the captain of your team. Now, we aren't suggesting that they should have had squad commands or anything, since that would make it unbearable to play (let Operation Flashpoint deal with that).

BE WARNED: SPOILERS AHEAD

Obviously, the guys at Infinity Ward are logical and they obviously knew what the gamer wants. So, after Roach gets killed (That's another playable character we won't be seeing again), players get put in the role of Soap again (YEAH! BOOYAH!). The section involves you following Captain Price through a warzone and a secret base in search of the traitorous wanker, General Shepard (voiced by Lance Henriksen).

Look at those soulless eyes!

This was an incredibly smart move on IW's part, considering it made everyone who played this game (including us) squeal with excitement and happiness. Nostalgia at its finest.

Modern Warfare 2 (as illustrated by a six-year-old)

The 5 best bits in Modern Warfare 2

5. Washington DC Battle

Now, this isn't one of the best moments because it finally depicts what America would look like as a warzone (weird by the way. How did the trenches get dug so fast?). This is one of the best moments, because of how it makes you feel. American or not, you have to appreciate the horror of seeing the famous city on fire. Nothing is as terrifying as seeing the White House with gunfire exploding around it. You know, unless the queen from Aliens shows up. But it wouldn't matter anyway, we have this guy, he knows what he's doing!

SOULLESS!

It's a great level. That's all that is needed to be said.

4. Cliffhanger

Set in Kazakhstan (must hold back Borat joke for later), this sequence involves Roach and Soap, climbing the side of a mountain to start their mission. The point of the mission is to retrieve an American ACS module (whatever the hell that is). But the mission's objective can't beat some of the standout moments that occur during its progression. The climb alone is brilliant, with a great shout out to the original game (the captain saving the playable character was done at the beginning of Modern Warfare as well). The level is extremely "James Bond," what with gadgets and saving your team-mate, but what really makes 007's erection rise is the Snowmobile chase. Snowmobiles + Guns + Terrorists = Awesome apparently.

You can almost hear the James Bond music!


In all seriousness, this is an amazing gameplay sequence that really sets the game up.

3. General Shepards betrayal

Ooooh, the smug bast- OK, we'll try and stay neutral....but it's very difficult when he's such a cunt. Shepard is an army General for the United States. He is rather sore apparently, having lost 30,000 troops in the nuclear attack of the previous game. Turns out he went a bit nuts about America proving itself as a superpower, so he teamed up with generic Russian bad guy, Vladmir Makarov, to spark a war with Russia. Seriously, he's that much of a dick that he had to start a war to make himself feel better. Douchebag!

Stupid moustache as well. Can't hold a candle to Captain Price!

He continues being a douche by shooting Roach and killing Ghost. Roach is still alive after the attack, but only long enough to see ultranationalists soaking Ghost and himself with what we imagine is a mixture of gasoline and urine. Just to kick them while they're down. So, not only does Shepard betray pretty much everyone, but he also sets two men (one of whom is still alive) on fire! Git!

2. Final Fight

Not to worry though, since in the end, you kick his sorry ass anyway! After looking extensively for him (as Soap. Remember, Roach is dead by now), you manage to track him down with the help of Makarov (Who lives, by the way. Possibly to return in the sequel, cackling). After a bit of a chase, you manage to get into a melee battle, which he wins, stabbing Soap in the chest with his own knife. Just as all seems lost, Price turns up and proceeds to open a can of good old British whoopass on him, which fails, since Shepard appears to be Superman. He starts to choke Price, but is stopped helpfully when the player manages to hammer the action button enough times to drag the knife out and throw it at his stupid head.

Pwned!

1. The Airport

We chose this because we want to be as controversial as Infinity Ward, which we'll obviously achieve doing this. Unfortunately, the segment was a bit pointless, and really felt like it was only there to piss off the tabloids. But hey, since when is that not cool?