Judging by its comically low viewership, you probably do not know much about the WNBA. As an expert, (I once soldiered through half of a Shock/Liberty match) I feel that I must spread the gospel of the WNBA.

You can't name either player.

Just The Facts

  1. The WNBA is like the NBA, except without the slam dunks and high standard of competition.
  2. The Detroit Shock have won multiple championships and have established a powerful dynasty. This, however, doesn't make the ball-blisteringly shitty city of Detroit any better to live in, according to T-Baby. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aktLRiWXfqg&feature=related
  3. The combined salaries of all WNBA players is less than the Box Office gross of the shitacular film, Juwanna Mann.
  4. When you are walking down the street, you are statistically less likely to come across a WNBA fan than you are to find a Minotaur having aggressive butt sex with a unicorn.

The WNBA's entertainment Value

The NBA gives its a viewers an offensively powered game. The pinnacle of basketball excitement to the casual fan is the slam dunk. They happen a number of times a game and it is customary for the player to follow his dunk with a pump-fist or other minor celebration. Then the game continues. This is what happens when a WNBA player dunks the ball.

The dunk in the WNBA is so rare, they stopped the fucking game when one happened. The entire arena celebrated the break in the monotony of lay ups and boobies shackled by the boner-shrinking tyranny of sports bras. The estrogen-fueled celebration of girl power that ensued would have made one think Laila Ali had just ko'd Optimus Prime. There's more outside shooting than Amy Winehouse on a camping trip.

Because she does heroin.


When you place people in an area to play a competitive sport, fights are bound to break out. In the WNBA, these are known as catfights and can fulfill the lesbian fantasies of many men in the audience. It is by far the most exciting part of the league.

Only less cool.


NBA players have bigger balls. That was not only genitalia related humor. The NBA does, in fact, use a larger basketball than the WNBA. You are more likely to find action on the Pope's dick than in the WNBA.