Truths About Smoking

Positively Thinking- Smoking

Does this look evil to you?

Just The Facts

  1. Yes, it is time someone pointed out some facts about the great smoking debate based on personal observations and some citations.
  2. We will bypass all of what the layperson knows at the door, and cut straight to the nitty gritty.

1) How does your smoking effect the greenhouse gasses?

Searching through all the data one could easily conclude that the average person smokes about a half to 2 packs a day. Some smoke more and of course it varies. I smoke Bugler hand roll tobacco. I can roll a cig in 9 seconds and have won many a beer in bar contests. But a pack of mine rolls 40 smokes which is twice the amount in a standard pack of pre-rolled for the same price. I have been a fervent nicotine junkie for 18 years and have suffered only mild discomforts in the forms of "the smoker's hack" from time to time, stores not having my brand, and bitchy non smokers.

But I have noticed one thing through out my smoker's experience: I will never, ever, never ever smoke enough to create the amount of pollution running an average car in idle for 5 minutes. Really. "But I drive a diesel, compact car that runs on KFC fryer oil," or "a hybrid, electro, solar import that blah, blah, blah," the majority of people will say, even though they are all liars. Sure, that is a helpful way to reduce emissions, but you are a shining example of the ineptitude that merits pulling driver's licenses. The barge that brought it over using thousands of gallons of fuel and tons of exhaust will more than compensate for any helpful benefits that you boast.

Further, the roads that the "eco-friendly" cars drive on were built over the course of a year or so by machines that emit all sorts of pollutants like dust and exhaust while they chew through the landscape removing all trees and grasses and dismembering the environment itself. (curiously nobody has suggested that we stop road making as a way to help the environment). And if you see asphalt being laid, think of this over a cigarette:

Or this 2 page nugget with stats

Impact - No effect. In fact, you will be helping the environment by smoking as much as possible. How? By exposing all of the anti smokers to as much smoke in public places, you will be guaranteeing that they will all stay home and not want to drive their cars on roads of doom. To go a step further, those that do venture out will be exposing themselves to the toxins of the healing smoke and get an immune "pick me up".

2) The second hand boogie man and you

While it is true that non smokers have had minor issues associated with second hand smoke, don't go straight to your nearest corner store and off the clerk that sells the "death sticks" without looking a little bit further.

General searches of second hand smoke effects always begin with "effects on the fetus". The obvious question is do we really want to repopulate the planet with children whose mothers are naturally stupid? Won't that pass the dumb ass genes to the future and thereby destroy human civilization? I say, let those moms smoke and prove Darwin right!

But everything should be ok once the spawn of ignorance is pushed into the safety of the world, right? Nope. The American Cancer Society goes the extra step to instill fear into an already moronic populace with "an estimated 46,000 deaths from heart disease in non-smokers who live with smokers". As they forget that we are the country with the largest group of morbidly obese people, ask yourself "do I want to smoke a cigarette or do I want that 2 pound chicken fried steak dinner with extra cream gravy?" The choice is yours (unless you are too dumb to figure it out.)

Impact - stupid people will still breed, so light up and watch them on youtube.

3a) Economic impact of smoking

"Everyone can be exposed to secondhand smoke in public places, such as restaurants, shopping centers, public transportation, schools, and daycare centers. Some businesses seem to be afraid to ban smoking, but there is no proof that going smoke-free is bad for business. Public places where children go are a special area of concern." ACS

This is probably the worst example of anti smoking rhetoric. In September 2006, Houston, TX switched to a non smoking environment in all public facilities because "non smoker's did not want to go out because they encountered smoker's emissions that made them stink. If the air was cleared they would come out and spend more to help businesses financially." Here's what happened, neighborhood bars and independently owned restaurants began to close down because they received no income from the pissed off smokers who went elsewhere to find a place to smoke and party while the non smokers stayed home because the bars were empty. I lost many a great place to drink and eat. I know some will point out that places built patios to show they are smoker friendly but who wants to smoke outside in the rain or when the temperature is a brisk 1*F? I can buy more smokes if I stay at home with a case of beer and stack of porn. Of course you must have seen that the above quote contained a reference to "children" and I wonder why a child would be at a bar at midnight (see #2).

"I know this great bar that is loaded with kick ass non-smokers. Both of them."

3b) Infernal revenue

1) Cigarettes are $5.00+ a pack X how many smokers X how many years smoking = a shitload of cash.

2) Medical expenses for the treatment of cigarette related issues X how many smokers = a shitload of cash

3) Excessive taxes for my cigarettes + the same taxes that non smokers pay = a shitload more cash than a non smoker

The math does not lie!

Impact- the American economy will fall into a recession if you don't smoke. So, if you love America, take a drag and salute the flag.

4) Everyday awkward moments saved by the mighty cigarette

While the non smoker reads this article and fumes about its validity, we, the smokers, know how a simple paper and some tobacco has saved the day. What do you do after a sexual encounter with a non smoker booty call? You smoke a cig to avoid the awkward "no, I don't want to cuddle and you have till I finish my cig to leave." What do you do when you are ready to beat your stupid children for being just like you? "I am going to stamp out child abuse by going to smoke a cig." When the shit really hits the fan? "Instead of going postal and burning this mother fucker down, I need to take a smoke break." If only the non smoker knew that the thin line separating them from a gruesome death was a cigarette, I don't suspect they would be so cavalier to try to take them away.

Documented result of anti smoking ordinance.

Impact- the fate of the free world is tucked between your fingers

And remember- bitching about my smoking can be hazardous to your health!