Rubik's Cube

The Rubik's Cube is a popular toy designed to be used for exactly three minutes and then thrown at the wall. It's quite possibly the hardest game of all time.

How they all end up

Just The Facts

  1. First available in 1980, the Rubik's Cube has sold over 350 million units
  2. 349.9 million of these are collecting dust in basements around the world
  3. Don't kid yourself; you couldn't solve one if you tried

Cracked on the Rubik's Cube

One of the most popular toys of all time, the Rubik's Cube is a modern icon, symbolizing hatred and frustration because it wasn't possible to solve by human standars. A simple cube in which each side is made up of 9 colored mini-cubes, the object of Rubik's Cube was to somehow be able to rotate each side in exactly the correct way so that each side would be one solid color. That idea was quickly tossed out as many consumers who has purchased the ubiquitos toy tried to solve it but thought that "fuck this shit" was a better idea.


Interestingly, Rubik's Cubes were sold solved, yet everytime you find one in your attic, it isn't solved. So why would consumers mess it up? Oh, because when they do, they think "Pfft, I'll just remember every move I make so I can just do the opposite and impress people". Yeah, then six rotations later your puny little memories give up and decide to reroute your brain to want to watch TV, leaving the poor Cube unsolved for eternity. A quick way to "solve" a Rubik's Cube has been to paint each side a different color so that the Cube looks finished, but instead makes your sense of accomplishment sink to lows not experienced since you arrived at your prom date's door only to find out she blew you off for the football jock. Because you spent all your time fiddling with the damn Rubik's Cube and girls don't dig that shit.

Interestingly, if you manage to achieve the unhuman feat of actually completing a Rubik's Cube fair and square, it is not nearly as rewarding as you'd think. Your friend, sitting next to you banging his Cube on the table like a half-retarded walrus, does not appreciate the fact that you solved it, not him. He promptly drops the "you're a faggot friend" bomb on you and leaves to go do something cool like have sex with women-ladies. You keep trying to brag about how you actually solved a Rubik's Cube, but nobody gives a shit unless it's them who solved it. So, essentially, that's the Rubik's Cube: hours wasted on trying to solve it and hours wasted on trying to brag about it. The end result? You look like a huge douche and don't get laid.

OH GODDAMMIT NO. No. Rubik, go fuck yourself with your own goddamn cube

The Rubik's Cube is so popular that it has even inspired mathematical studies started for the purpose of finding out how many possible combinations the 54 colored blocks on the Cube can make. Since we here at Cracked are more preoccupied with seeing New Moon (so we can parody it), we'll let the established and reliable sources at Wikipedia sum up how mind-bogglingly impossible the Rubik's Cube is (we swear, we wouldn't see New Moon for fun, that's gay. It's for comedy, people):

"The number of Rubik's Cube permutations can be expressed through the equation , There are exactly 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 permutations, which is approximately forty-three quintillion. The puzzle is often advertised as having only "billions" of positions, as the larger numbers could be regarded as incomprehensible to many. To put this into perspective, if every permutation of a 57-millimeter Rubik's Cube were lined up end to end, it would stretch out approximately 261 light years. Alternatively, if laid out on the ground, this is enough to cover the earth with 273 layers of cubes, recognizing the fact that the radius of the earth sphere increases by 57 mm with each layer of cubes."

261 light years.

261 is like the biggest number of all time

Variants on the Rubik's Cube (AKA Rubik is a Sick Puppyfucker)

The Sudokube

Just fucking give up. Who the hell would pay for such mind-melting torture?

The What the Fuckube

What the fuck? How do you turn that thing? Looks more like a Rubik's Cube got mangled in a terrible radiation accident. Not that we're complaining, we don't hate ourselves enough to buy such a toy.

The Pentamix

God is dead.

Rubik the Amazing Cube

Uhhh..... cool?