My Immortal

My Immortal is literally the fucking WORST fan fiction ever (It is currently being debated as to whether or not this title should be given to Twilight.) It was written by Tara Gilesbie and her friend "Raven".

A chart explaining the relationships between


Tara Gilesbie's character in the story. It is still much hotter than her.

Just The Facts

  1. My Immortal has approximately 246,889 grammar mistakes. In the first chapter.
  2. The author, Tara Gilesbie, is TOTALLY "goffik".
  3. The main story of My Immortal, besides the majority of it being Tara's fashion and music sense, is about having sex with "thingies" and an ongoing war between the "goffs" and "preps".
  4. Your eyes will most likely bleed after the first 6 chapters.
  5. Tara never actually read any of the damn books.


My Immortal was originally posted on Fan Fiction . Tara Gilesbie, who was known as "goffikgurl666," "XXXbloodyrists666XXX," and "The Worst Author Ever" posted it in 2006. Immediately, the first few chapters gained many "fans" and "haters." Tara preferred to call all of her haters "preps," since everyone who uses proper grammar obviously wears pink polos, white shorts, and carries a golf club wherever they go.


Tara was a smart girl. She told all of her "fans" that she wouldn't post new chapters unless she got a certain amount of good "reveiws." People gave them to her for the "lulz" and continued to spread the word. Fan Fiction, being the total dicks they are, noticed that this story was getting a lot of attention. They decided to let it go for a bit, probably cause the administrators couldn't stop laughing their asses off when they saw the thing.

Tara often got into fights with her friend "Raven," who actually spell checked the first few chapters (using Microgoth Word). The first argument involved a poster of Gerard Way, who Tara thought was "ttayly hott." Tara had taken the poster to masturbate to, but Raven eventually found out. She then retaliated by taking Tara's sweater. Raven's character in the story was eventually killed and "rapoed."


On November 21st, Tara Gilesbie's Fan Fiction account was hacked. We'd like to think it was by those chimps with typewriters people always say wrote Shakespeare.

Tara's Hacker
Tara's Hacker

The "totally prep" hacker, deciding that hacking alone wouldn't generate enough lulz, decided to write "Chapter 39: The FUCKING End." Many fans and "preps" realized that this obviously wasn't Tara's work, as the grammar-intelligence-level was way too much closer to "George Bush" than "Retarded Chimp With Downs Syndrome." The hacker actually wrote an ending that made sense, which we're presuming had to do with Draco giving Tara herpes. Unfortunately, Tara managed to reclaim her account and flame the "prep" hacker in the real "Cahtpur 39."

The End?

After getting her account back, Tara continued to write the story until she reached Chapter 44, which was the real end. Did we mention that, as with the rest of the story, it made no fucking sense at all?

Tara's epic story remained on Fan Fiction for all to laugh at, until one sunny day, in late 2008, it was deleted by the administration due to a new "improvement drive" that was being implemented. Many cried out in anger, but Fan Fiction was not to be bothered. Some even went as far as re-uploading the whole story. Hundreds of fucking times.

Pictured: Fan Fiction Staff
Pictured: Fan Fiction Staff

A month or two after the original My Immortal was deleted, someone claiming to be Tara posted "My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside" to Fan Fiction. The author later confessed that it was a fake, but another "Tara" was not to be fooled. She created her own story, with the same name, but with a different, more grammar mistake ridden plot. The account used to post the "real" My Immortal 2, was later hacked by a jealous "good" Fan Fiction writer. Eventually, "My Immortal 2, Part 3: Fangz 4 De Venom" was posted by yet another Tara clone.

Grammar Mistakes

These are examples of how the story was written while Raven was "fixing" it.

"He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."

"We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"
It was .................................................................................................................................Voldemort!"

Okay, not the best, but passable. Right? Besides the fact that Voldemort has suddenly turned into a Muslim, you have to give Raven credit for dealing with Tara's atrocious grammar.

These are examples of how the story was written while Raven's character was laying, ass torn, in a ditch.

"Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again."

""Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo."

English Grammar For Dummies
Read it, please.

Many Characters that are featured in the story have had their names murdered, here's a few examples:

Ebony (Tara's Character) is also commonly known as Enoby, Evony, and Evonvy.

Draco Malfoy is also commonly known as Drako and Darko.

Hermoine has changed her name to B'loody Mary Smith. Seriously.

Ron Weasely has added "Diabolo," which is some sort of juggling prop, to his name.

Ginny Weasley is now known has Jenny "Darkness" Weasley

Dumbledore is commonly referred to as Dumbledork, Dumbledark, Bumbledore, Dumblydore, Dumbledeor, Dubleodre, Dumbledoree, Dumbeldore, Dumbledum, Dumblehor, Dumbledork, Dumbledark, Bumbledore, Dumblydore, Dumbledeor, Dubleodre, Dumbledoree, Dumbeldore, Dumbledum, and Dumblehor.

Severus Snape is also now known as Snape, Snape, Snip, Snoop, and Snop.

You know, this has obviously gone on long enough...

Relation To The Harry Potter Series

There is none.

As most of the characters are now Satanists, Goths, Christians, or Preps, the whole "canon" thing was basically thrown out the window. Draco has sex with Ebony. Ebony has sex with Harry. Harry has sex with Draco. Snape has sex with Lupin. Hagrid masturbates to Ebony. You get the point. Hot Topic has taken over every store in Hogsmeade, and Good Charolette apparently holds regular shows at Hogwarts to boot.

Hot Topic
They're everywhere!

Dumbledore has also been raped, as he now masturbates and cusses. For real.