Christian Extremists

They're right, you're wrong. And they have proof.. That was written hundreds of years AFTER their savior died, and sounds like it was proofread for scientific accuracy by a goat.

I approve

Just The Facts

  1. They are right, you are not. Deal with it
  2. pi = 3.00
  3. Satan put fossils in the ground.... simply to fuck with us.

Welcome, you dirty sinner.

So, let's say you're a good Christian. You go to church every sunday, you pray, you donate money to the church, whatever it is. One Sunday, you come in and your church is now named "The True Christian Church of Christ and Godliness for Christians... of Christ." And the new pastor is yelling at you for Having a Jewish friend, having a homosexual son. Or perhaps damning your niece to an enternity of torture.. because she was raped.

Welcome to the world of Christian Extremists, take a number and drink the "punch" faggot.

Why they're right, and why the rest of us are wrong.

So now, before we get into this. Remember when that stupid 1st grade teacher taught you things like "The Earth is round" or when you used 3.14 to get the circumference of a circle in High School? Fucking forget it. They only went to college to teach it to you. (Which by the way is completely satanic.)

.The Church of Satan
Pictured: The Church of Satan

Speaking of lies that your teachers taught you; did you know that there's no water in clouds? That's right kids, apparently rain doesn't come from jack shit. However, we do know that clouds are in fact the dust of the Lord's feet, so says the proof.

Nahum 1 - The Lord is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.

Goat

Yes, clouds = foot dust.

Now, I'm writing under the assumption that the majority of Christians can grasp that at least some things in The Bible were written to explain something that they had no explanation for, and they realize that Science can be right once in a while. However, these guys, just will not accept that, they will follow their goat book to the ends of the Earth.

Some proven facts, and how they can be disproved.

So, with you still being on this page I'm assuming that you're just not convinced that these guys are insane. Then let's set straight some more lies that the Enema drinking, atheist, liberal, college attending, nigger lovers put into your brain.

We all know the Earth is round right? I mean.... there's pictures. We've been to space, we've seen that shit. As well as planes flying to the West to get to a place that appears to be Eastward on a map, and still getting there.

Well, fuck that shit, we have accurate scientific drawings and passages to prove otherwise.

Earth

This scientifically accurate drawing also shows the sun and the moon's orbits.

Daniel 4:10-11 "These are the visions I saw while lying in my bed: I looked, and there before me stood a tree in the middle of the land. Its height was enormous. The tree grew large and strong and its top touched the sky; it was visible to the ends of the earth."

Take a moment to soak that all in...... and on to the next fact.

Before I really tell you what the next one is, here's a quote from a Christian Extremist website.

"It's funny that those idiots from the science community think they just discovered that dinosaurs in the early-19th century. Now seriously, how stupid can people be?! How can you discover something that has existed since Adam and Eve? And these nimrods say that all dinosaurs died out like 65 trillion years ago? I'm a Christian, and even I know that number is insane, but leave it to science to brainwash the masses using "data" and "carbon dating". You can't tell how old a rock is without reading the Bible. We know from the Bible that the world is about 6,000 years old.

How can a 65 trillion year old rock exist, when the world doesn't exist for about 65 trillion years? That's stupid! Where you there 65 trillion years ago? NO YOU WEREN'T! YOU WERE NOT THERE YOU ANTI-COMMON SENSE FART BREATH!"

So what is the logical conclusion that we can get from this genius writing?

That dinosaurs were every one of these things:

  1. Only ate vegetation
  2. Were the friendliest things ever, not at all territorial like every other animal ever.
  3. Had razor sharp teeth that were designed for grinding vegetation, and not ripping through flesh.
  4. Lived at the same time humans did.
  5. The spikes and horns on some dinosaurs were used for finding food, not fighting other dinoaurs.
  6. Also fit on a huge fucking boat with Noah and his merry band of death.
  7. Hated everything after getting off of the said boat. (Who wouldn't though?)
  8. Wrote Slayer's first album.

Ok, I made the last one up, but it'd be pretty fucking metal if they did.

Now, think back to your high school geometry class. (I'll give you a little bit of time because I'm sure you can't remember too much from it)

After you remember that you did in fact take a high school geometry class, go back to using pi. We used pi for many things in geometry... like everything that had to with circles. So, math and science and what not have basically 100% proven that pi is equal to 3.14159(shitfuck of numbers).

... I can't accurately explain this belief, nor can I come to think about what logic led them there, but apparently.. pi = 3.00

1 Kings 7: And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about

I am not sure what in God's name (buh duh ccc) this means.

A new fuel alternative.

Before I get into this, let me give you the first thing I saw on the page telling me about this.

And it's exactly what it sounds like.

... and a quote from the same page

"Before America was a country it was common practice to use witches as burning fuel. Wiccans were plentiful then and steadily were gathered and used as fuel. The Bible even commands us to use them in this way since as you know Wiccans are God's gift"

Let's say for a second this is absolutely plausible. Now, how many fucking Wiccans do you see hanging around anymore? (Wicca is essentially a neopagan religion centered around nature) I sure don't notice too many very often.

So, we can agree that Wiccans are not the miracle cure for a fuel crisis right? Well.... not according to this fantastic chart.

Chart

Wiccans: God's fuel.

So, what do we get from this? In 1996, Wiccans, cats, and children were all 100% of the population. By 2010, Children will not exist, cats will be almost 3 times the population of 1996, and Wiccans will have quadrupled their numbers.

I don't think I should even begin to get into how the fuck you would manage to make a combustion engine out of Human parts.

Views on other religions/beliefs.

Finally, we're going to look into a Christian Extremist view of other religions.

EVERYBODY NO MATTER WHAT - Knows of the Christian god but is simply not believing in him to rebel.

Atheists - All anarchists who hate everything and everyone. Have an IQ of 0. 100% of prisons are filled with Atheists. Are Nigger lovers.

Catholics - Are doing it the wrong way. Popes are blasphemous. Aren't actually Christian.

Jehova's Witnesses - Are also doing it wrong. Believe that they are right and nobody else could ever be right. (Sounds familiar)

Mormons - Are high. Believe that god didn't create himself, which is probably the most true part.

Muslims - Are ALL terrorists. Have a godless religion (totally not a paradox). The religion is evidently called Muslim, not Islam. Are all destroying everything involved with Christianity. Have skin made of shit. Have dots on their forehead to show affiliation with Satan (I was always led to believe that Hindus did that whole dot thing, thanks for Setting me straight pastor) Worship rocks. Are barbaric (who wouldn't be with shit skin)

Pagans - .I don't know what the fuck this is supposed to signify but, this image is provided to illustrate the clear satanism.

What the fuck is this shit?

I always knew vaginas were satanic.

Scientologists - Absolute bullshitters that are only interested in money. (I'm half tempted to agree with this one)

You know, at this point... I'm starting to think that these guys all listen to Slayer.

God hates us all