Schrödinger

Erwin Schrödinger was an Austrian Theoretical Physicist who contributed hugely to the fields of Quantum Mechanics and DNA Theory. He was the mind behind the famous thought experiment known as "Schrödinger's Cat". He was also a full time badass.

Just The Facts

  1. Erwin Schrodinger was born in Austria in 1887
  2. He could kick your ass with maths.
  3. He could probably kick your ass without maths.

Schrodinger: A Lesson In Awesome.

Erwin Schrodinger lived in Austria from his birth to 1939. During this time he worked in the war office for WWI, made just a fuckload of observations and publications regarding Physics, married a nice girl named Anna, took up with a nice mistress and succeeded Max Planck (of Planck's freaking constant) to his position at the Friedrich Wilhelm University in Berlin.

In 1933 he decided "screw Germany" and took a fellowship at Oxford. Then he went ahead and won himself a Nobel Prize. While he was at it he named an equation after himself. An equation that is the cornerstone of Quantum Mechanics. After being kicked out of Oxford for being two damn awesome and showing all the English physicists up, he went to Princton for a while before returning to Austria.

In correspondance with his good buddy Albert Einstein he proposed a thought experiment, which his lawyers maintain he NEVER actually preformed, that centred around a cat in a box with a vial of poison. The box is sealed and the vial had a 50% chance of breaking and killing the cat. Equally the cat had a 50% chance of being fine. But here's the crux, if we don't open the box, the cat is simultaneously both alive and dead. Yes people, he explained Quantum Mechanics to Eintein using a Zombie Cat!

"I can haz Living, pwease?"

"I can haz living, pwease?"

In 1939 Erwin was getting a bit of a "Bad Vibe" from the ol' Nazis for outrightly opposing them. He decided he'd better hot-foot it out of there and accepted a post at Trinity College, Dublin.

The Heisenberg Badass-ery Principle

So what? I hear you ask. Why do I give a fuck about Quantum Mechanics? What's it ever done for me? Well besides the computer you're reading this on, the TV beaming shitty reality shows into your hovel, the phone you use to text "OMG you guys!!1!" and the Sat-Nav that informs you you haven't left the house in two months, not much. So here's the good stuff.

Why did the Schro-meister pick Trinity College to retire to once shit got real in Austria? Because Trinity was the only University willing to provide lodgings for his wife and kids...and his mistress. Yup. Ireland decided a policy of "Whatever you like, mate." was apropos and so Erwin came to Dublin. And that's where the fun begins.

He lived with both women. Both had children by him. One daughter was concieved during a menage a trois. The gossips of Dublin had to learn french to keep up with him. And he didn't just keep it to the women he brought with him. There were constant rumours (and children, the most concrete type of rumour) of involvement with female students. He even took on an assisstant in order to bang his wife. In short, Don Draper was taking notes from this guy.

His reputation was so well known that one stroll in Stephen's Green prompted a gardener therein to warn people to "keep your daughters away from that immoral man". From a walk in the park! What could he possibly have done to incite such an outcry? Who else could incite a cry of "Lock up yous daughters" in the 1950s? Elvis, that's who.

"I learnt a lot from that man" [Citation Needed]

"I learnt so much from that man." [Citation Needed]

This man didn't just have women, he had balls. On being invited to a prestigious ceremony but specifically told he could bring only one date, Erwin decided "hey, I'll just ask someone else to bring my mistress for me." A brilliant scheme worthy of a mind like his. So who does he ask to fake date his bit on the side? An undergraduate? A closet-case colleague? No. Not our Schrodinger. He asked the Archbishop of Dublin. To bring his mistress to the ceremony. The woman he was commiting adultery with. Smashing.

Many accounts tell of the Bishop's outrage. I like to believe he was secretly lo-fiving Schrodinger under the table.

Oh and all this was well into his 50s. Rock on.

Kicking Death In The Double Helix.

Schrodinger suffered from TB for most of his life. TB, or consumption, or the disease that kills Kate Winslet in every movie ever, is an infection that had a fairly high mortaliy rate. But despite having the disease for most of his adult life Schrodinger never says die! Unless you're a cat in which case he says die 50% of the time.

He lived and lived and shagged to the ripe age of 73, surviving two world wars and leaving behind him a legacy of brilliant physics and bastard children.