Crocs

The most baffling contribution to footwear since the Reebok Pumps, these heat resistant hunks of colorful plastic have taken the world of fashion (trends that take less than a year to be embarrassing) by storm.

Just The Facts

  1. Made out of Croslite; some strange material wizards invented in an unknown distant world called "Canada"
  2. Was initially invented in hopes of becoming a mind control device. Instead it is worn by overweight people from the mid-west and South American tourists.
  3. Along with cockroaches, is the only thing that can survive a nuclear attack. At which point it will develop a mind of its own and become the most dominating species on Earth.

The Legend of Crocs

The Crocs Corporation is shrouded in secrecy. Its rainbow colored offices rarely emit much (beyond the occasional muffled screams). Among the foremost mysteries is the synthetic fiber that Crocs are made of: Croslite. Some say that under cover of night, founder George B. Boedecker built a gigantic galactic ship to traverse galaxies, before summoning all of his courage, traveling to "Canada" and freeing their people from the evil foam creation science project gone wrong. He hid the creature away in the mountains of Colorado far from the public eyes where it stays producing the genius money making machine that is "crosslite."

To this day many people have given their lives to travel to the valley in which the creature lies to collect its bounty, ship it to China, Mexico, Romania, and other cheap labor facilities for mass production.

Ahh smells like America

Crocs and Escalators

The only known enemy of the Croc is the escalator. Born rivals, the escalators only means of attack are to attempt to devour the foot of anyone wearing the shoe. On many occasions, escalators have chewed up Caymans and spit up bloody human feet where they used to be. When the Croc makers grew weary as reports and law suits started pouring in from people who noticed their Croc wearing children missing toes they decided to do something.

Namely, they denied any wrong doing, blaming the makers of escalators for not foreseeing a retarded future where people wear porous rubber slippers to the mall. Their defense that escalators are "unsafe," and that escalator safety is a BIG issue was unsuccessful when they were unable to get the case tried in jurisdictions governed by the laws of urban legends.


The Legacy Continues Against its Own Will

In the past year rumors have circulated that Crocs has hit a bit of a rough patch in its worldwide takeover of the shoe industry. With debt accumulating, warehouses stock piled with the non biodegradable wonder shoe, and an economic down turn many worried it would be the end. But as Napoleon said "A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights."

Note: Crocs should not be worn on the battlefield.

Fortunately with savvy marketing, a "fashionable" line for women who don't leave the house much, the addition of specialty shoes for nursing, diabetics and cooks, the company has thus far stayed solvent. For now at least.