Michael Swaim

Michael Swaim is best known as a "comedian" and attempts to write articles for Cracked.com. He appears in several viral videos and comments on various internet memes, sort of like Tosh.0...well, before Tosh.0.

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Just The Facts

  1. Swaim can be modified to include several clever acronyms
  2. Swaim is extremely hard to get along with due to his paradoxical nature as the only classified genius with a well below-average IQ.
  3. Swaim is a living myth whose exploits will go down in history in insufficient terms, as most people cannot conceptualize an accurate description of his majesty
  4. Swaim has been known to hit on underage girls and swear at the moon

An Answer Without a Question

The fact that Michael Swaim exists is based solely on the fact that Cracked.com exists. Without the constant viewership Swaim requires to stay alive, he will wither and die (like most internet celebrities). However, Cracked.com is an unfunny, tired, mangled mess of a website without Swaim and could not balance out the massive influx of user-based garbage on its own. So how Swaim came to be is a mystery scientists doubt will ever be solved in our lifetime, seeing as Cracked.com should have collapsed before the interview process even began. Nevertheless, Michael Swaim is here to stay, and under the guise of several Adderall popping college students will proflegate and flame his way across the internets, leaving no one in his wake.